The Top 10 Most Successful Non-Disney Animated Films – A Love Letter and a Roast
Disney isn’t the only game in town when it comes to animation, even though they’d like you to believe they invented moving pictures. While they were out here monopolizing childhoods and devouring animation studios like a media-hungry kaiju, other studios were quietly dropping some of the most iconic, successful, and occasionally unhinged animated films in history.
So today, we’re celebrating the non-Disney animated films that made bank, won hearts, and absolutely refused to let the Mouse run the whole show. But because I have no self-control and a strong desire to roast everything I love, we’re giving them the brutal, affectionate roast they deserve.
Let’s do this.
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10. Anastasia (1997) – AKA “The Movie That Lied to an Entire Generation”
Why It’s Amazing: This movie made us believe it was Disney before we realized it was made by Fox. And honestly? It’s still one of the most gorgeous hand-drawn films ever. Meg Ryan as Anastasia? Inspired. John Cusack as Dimitri? Beautiful. Christopher Lloyd as Rasputin? Deeply unsettling but in the best way.
Roast: First of all, this movie lied to everyone. If you watched this as a kid, you probably thought Anastasia escaped the Russian Revolution and lived happily ever after.
NOPE. Real-life Anastasia? Did not make it. The Romanovs? Not so lucky. This movie took a literal historical tragedy and said, “But what if she just forgot everything and had a fun road trip?”
Also, Rasputin was a real dude who got poisoned, stabbed, shot, drowned, and still wouldn’t die. But in this movie? He just kind of falls apart like a bad Halloween decoration.
Self-Deprecation: I once sang “Journey to the Past” so dramatically in my room that I knocked over a lamp.
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9. The Lego Movie (2014) – AKA “The Two-Hour Toy Commercial That Shouldn’t Have Worked”
Why It’s Amazing: This movie had zero right to be as good as it was. It should’ve been a cheap cash grab. Instead, it turned out to be one of the funniest, smartest, and most original animated films of all time. It even gave us one of the greatest existential crisis songs ever—“Everything is Awesome.”
Roast: This film was so successful it created a Lego Cinematic Universe. Unfortunately, only one of the sequels was good, and now the franchise is gathering dust like an abandoned Lego set missing its pieces.
Also, why is this movie so emotional? Why did I go in expecting goofy Lego jokes and come out rethinking my entire childhood? I just wanted to watch plastic bricks move, not have an existential meltdown about my relationship with creativity.
Self-Deprecation: I tried to build something impressive with Legos after watching this movie. I ended up with a slightly wobbly square.
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8. How to Train Your Dragon (2010) – AKA “DreamWorks’ Peak Before They Forgot What They Were Doing”
Why It’s Amazing: This movie went unnecessarily hard. The animation? Beautiful. The music? Pure cinematic magic. The dragon designs? So good they made every other dragon in pop culture look like garbage.
Roast: The Viking dad, Stoick? Built like an entire brick wall and somehow related to Hiccup, who looks like a sentient breadstick. Also, Toothless was way too adorable. He could’ve committed war crimes and we’d still love him.
Self-Deprecation: I tried to do the Hiccup “arm out” move to befriend my cat. She immediately bit me.
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7. Kung Fu Panda (2008) – AKA “The Greatest Martial Arts Film Starring a Bear”
Why It’s Amazing: This movie somehow blended martial arts philosophy, comedy, and absolute bangers of fight scenes into one perfect package. Also, Jack Black was born to voice Po.
Roast: Po somehow went from a noodle-slinging couch potato to a kung fu master in like, a week. Meanwhile, I’ve been going to the gym for a year and still get winded walking up stairs.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to do a cool martial arts spin move after watching this. I tripped over my own foot and landed in the trash can.
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6. Shrek 2 (2004) – AKA “Better Than Most Sequels Have Any Right to Be”
Why It’s Amazing: This movie did what 99% of sequels fail to do—improve on the original. It gave us Puss in Boots, an even funnier script, and THAT “I Need a Hero” scene.
Roast: Let’s be real, Shrek basically peaked here. After this, we got the third movie (bad) and the fourth movie (somehow worse). Also, why was the Fairy Godmother such a banger of a villain? She had more style than half of Disney’s entire villain lineup.
Self-Deprecation: I tried to sing “I Need a Hero” dramatically in the car. I hit a pothole and almost yeeted myself into another dimension.
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5. Ice Age (2002) – AKA “The Franchise That Wouldn’t Die”
Why It’s Amazing: The original Ice Age was a heartfelt, hilarious road trip movie with great characters.
Roast: And then they made five sequels, each one worse than the last. By the time we got to “Ice Age: Collision Course,” the franchise was so bad it made dinosaurs look like the sensible choice.
Self-Deprecation: I tried to do Sid’s lisp voice as a kid and bit my own tongue.
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4. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) – AKA “The Movie That Made Every Other Superhero Film Look Lazy”
Why It’s Amazing: The animation? Revolutionary. The story? Perfection. The soundtrack? Unreasonably good.
Roast: This movie was so good, every animation studio immediately tried to copy its style and failed miserably. Also, why did Prowler’s theme sound like an anxiety attack?
Self-Deprecation: I tried to swing like Spider-Man off my couch. I did not stick the landing.
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3-1: Speed Round of Success
• 3. Despicable Me (2010) – A fun movie that unfortunately spawned Minions, who are now legally more powerful than most world governments.
• 2. Madagascar (2005) – The movie that made “I Like to Move It” inescapable. Also, the penguins are the real main characters.
• 1. The Secret Life of Pets (2016) – A movie that somehow made over $800 million despite just being “Toy Story, but with animals.”
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Final Thoughts: Non-Disney Animation Deserves More Love
Yes, Disney dominates the animation world, but these movies proved that other studios can not only compete but sometimes surpass them.
Now, argue with me in the comments. What non-Disney movie deserves more respect? Which one was overrated? And most importantly, should we have let the Minions take over society?
And if you love cartoons and chaotic opinions, check out my YouTube channel for more animation breakdowns, original cartoons, and bad life choices.
Got it! You weren’t a kid when Ice Age came out—so instead of childhood nostalgia, you probably just watched it thinking, “Huh, why is this sloth talking like that?” before getting distracted by Scrat’s ongoing mental breakdown over an acorn.
When Beloved Animated Shows Get Political (And We Have to Pretend to Be Smart About It)
We’ve all been there. You’re watching your favorite animated show, enjoying some wacky hijinks and colorful characters, when suddenly—BAM! The show stops being a fun escape and slaps you in the face with a political message.
Sometimes, it’s brilliant and adds depth to the show. Other times, it’s so forced and heavy-handed it makes an after-school special look subtle. And sometimes? It’s just an excuse for the writers to rant through cartoon animals.
So today, we’re roasting and toasting the times animated shows got blatantly political. (And yes, this includes a lot of “this show was never meant for kids” moments.)
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10. Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990-1996) – AKA “Mother Earth’s First Superhero, and He’s Kind of a Narc”
The Agenda:
• Environmentalism.
• Evil corporations = bad. Recycling = good.
• If you litter, Captain Planet will personally ruin your life.
The Roast:
• Everything is cartoonishly black-and-white. Every bad guy is a billionaire oil tycoon who wants to destroy the environment for fun.
• The kids get rings, but their powers are wildly unbalanced. Fire, water, wind, earth… and heart? (Heart was just emotional support.)
• Captain Planet himself is a weird green-haired, blue-skinned dude in spandex who delivers one-liners like a rejected pro wrestler.
The Toast:
• It actually made kids care about the environment.
• It’s fun in a cheesy 90s way.
• Without it, we wouldn’t have had that meme-worthy Don Cheadle as Captain Planet sketch.
Self-Deprecation:
• I grew up watching this and genuinely thought I could defeat global warming by turning off the sink while brushing my teeth.
Verdict: Reduce, reuse, and recycle this show into something less preachy.
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9. The Boondocks (2005-2014) – AKA “The Smartest, Angriest Cartoon on TV”
The Agenda:
• Systemic racism, Black culture, political corruption, and the stupidity of modern America.
• It takes NO prisoners.
• If you were offended, that was probably the point.
The Roast:
• Every episode is basically a social commentary rant disguised as comedy.
• The satire is so brutal it hurts.
• Every white character is either clueless, racist, or both.
The Toast:
• One of the smartest and most brutally honest shows ever.
• Mixed anime-style animation with political commentary and somehow made it work.
• Unapologetically funny and razor-sharp.
Self-Deprecation:
• I spent years laughing at The Boondocks, thinking I was enlightened, but I’m probably closer to Uncle Ruckus than I’d like to admit.
Verdict: Half the jokes are funnier now, half are more terrifyingly real.
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8. X-Men: The Animated Series (1992-1997) – AKA “The Best Civil Rights Allegory Starring Superheroes”
The Agenda:
• Mutants = marginalized groups.
• The government is always a second away from a genocide.
• Xavier = MLK, Magneto = Malcolm X.
The Roast:
• The metaphors are about as subtle as a punch to the face.
• Humans in this universe are so cartoonishly racist they’d make real-world bigots say, “Whoa, chill.”
• The government is constantly debating mutant rights, yet Wolverine runs around shirtless with knives in his hands.
The Toast:
• It actually tackled real-world discrimination in a way kids could understand.
• Gave us some of the best versions of classic X-Men stories.
• Magneto’s speeches are better than half of modern political debates.
Self-Deprecation:
• As a kid, I thought being a mutant meant getting cool powers. Now I realize it’s just an animated version of systemic oppression. Yay!
Verdict: Still holds up, but man, does it hit differently as an adult.
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7. The Simpsons (1989-Present) – AKA “America’s Longest-Running Political Satire Disguised as a Cartoon”
The Agenda:
• It’s satirized EVERYTHING.
• Politics, religion, capitalism, gun control, war, and the American dream—all roasted to perfection.
• The show predicted multiple real-world events, including Donald Trump becoming president.
The Roast:
• The longer it ran, the more it leaned into lazy political jokes.
• “Both sides are bad” humor got stale.
• The quality dropped harder than the U.S. economy.
The Toast:
• Seasons 3-10 were some of the best political satire ever.
• It shaped modern comedy.
• Still smarter than most actual political debates.
Self-Deprecation:
• I used to think The Simpsons made me “intellectually superior.” Now I just quote Ralph Wiggum out of context like an idiot.
Verdict: Still legendary, but should’ve ended before Fox became an actual dystopian corporation.
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6. South Park (1997-Present) – AKA “Offend Everyone, Profit”
The Agenda:
• Everything is fair game for ridicule.
• Liberal? Conservative? Religious? Atheist? Doesn’t matter—you’re getting roasted.
• They went from dumb fart jokes to deep political satire.
The Roast:
• Some episodes age like fine wine. Others age like milk.
• Sometimes it feels like they’re just being edgy for the sake of it.
• The “both sides are dumb” take can feel lazy.
The Toast:
• No other show has had this level of cultural impact.
• They pump out satire at record speed.
• Episodes like “Goobacks” (They took our jobs!) and “ManBearPig” (Al Gore was right?) are timeless.
Self-Deprecation:
• I used to think watching South Park made me immune to political nonsense. Turns out, I’m just as dumb as everyone else.
Verdict: Still king of animated satire, even when it’s hit-or-miss.
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Politics and Cartoons Are Like Gasoline and Fire
When animated shows get political, it can either be brilliant, hilarious, or so heavy-handed you feel like you’re being lectured by your TV. But love it or hate it, politics in animation is here to stay.
Some animated shows subtly weave in politics like a fine art. Others? They slam you over the head with it like a sledgehammer made of propaganda. Whether they’re educating us, manipulating us, or just trying to sneak in a rant, these cartoons prove that animation is never really “just for kids.”
Now, let’s continue this roast and toast of the most blatantly political animated shows ever. (And yes, we’re going after Schoolhouse Rock! because we all know that’s where this madness started.)
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5. Schoolhouse Rock! (1973-2009) – AKA “The Government Indoctrinated You Through Catchy Songs”
The Agenda:
• Civics, government, and the American political process.
• Disguised as a fun, educational kids’ show.
• “I’m Just a Bill” made kids think laws get passed through singing and patience.
The Roast:
• It makes politics seem way easier than it actually is.
• They forgot to include an episode about filibusters, corruption, or the time a bill dies in committee because Congress goes on vacation.
• Half of us only passed civics class because of these songs, and we still don’t know how the government actually works.
The Toast:
• Creepy how effective this was. Almost 50 years later, we still remember the lyrics.
• Probably the only reason Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z know what a conjunction is.
• No better way to trick kids into learning.
Self-Deprecation:
• I can recite “I’m Just a Bill” word for word, but I still struggle with filling out my taxes.
Verdict: The most effective government propaganda in U.S. history.
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4. Animaniacs (1993-1998, 2020-Present) – AKA “Political Satire for Kids Who Didn’t Get It”
The Agenda:
• Government, politics, and U.S. history—but in a Looney Tunes format.
• Made fun of world leaders, social issues, and corporate greed.
• All wrapped up in zany, fourth-wall-breaking antics.
The Roast:
• Most kids didn’t get half the jokes. This was basically a political comedy show disguised as a wacky cartoon.
• Yakko’s “Nations of the World” song aged like milk (Fun fact: some of those countries don’t exist anymore!)
• The 2020 reboot went full political, leaning hard into current events (and people lost their minds over it).
The Toast:
• One of the smartest cartoons ever made.
• The satire was razor-sharp and hilarious.
• It snuck in some real history lessons under all the chaos.
Self-Deprecation:
• I used to think Animaniacs was “just a silly cartoon.” Turns out, I was laughing at jokes I didn’t even understand.
Verdict: If Looney Tunes went to college and became politically aware.
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3. Futurama (1999-Present) – AKA “The Smartest Political Show That Pretended to Be Stupid”
The Agenda:
• Government, capitalism, corporate greed, bureaucracy, and science vs. politics.
• Used sci-fi to mock real-world political nonsense.
• Nixon’s head somehow became one of the best animated villains ever.
The Roast:
• Made bureaucracy jokes so accurate that they stopped being funny. (Remember the episode where they had to stand in line just to get in another line? That’s just real life now.)
• Richard Nixon is still winning elections in the future.
• The show predicted so many real-world events, it might be time to investigate Matt Groening.
The Toast:
• Brilliant writing that made you feel smart for watching.
• The satire hit harder because it wasn’t set in “our” world.
• “I’m gonna allow this” became a real-life meme before memes were a thing.
Self-Deprecation:
• I thought Futurama was just a dumb sci-fi comedy, but now I realize it taught me more about capitalism than my college economics class.
Verdict: A dystopian future that’s feeling less “fictional” every day.
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2. Family Guy (1999-Present) – AKA “The Show That Goes Political Whenever It Runs Out of Jokes”
The Agenda:
• Pretends to be an “equal opportunity offender,” but is really just Seth MacFarlane ranting about his political opinions through cartoon characters.
• Has tackled everything from gun control to healthcare, always in the most obnoxious way possible.
• Stewie might actually be smarter than all of us.
The Roast:
• Half the political jokes are brilliant. The other half feel like they were written in five minutes.
• Every time they need an “edgy” moment, they just have Peter fight a giant chicken.
• Brian is basically a stand-in for Seth MacFarlane’s Twitter account.
The Toast:
• Sometimes, the satire is shockingly good.
• When it hits, it HITS.
• Still somehow funnier than modern-day The Simpsons.
Self-Deprecation:
• I used to think Family Guy was high-level satire. Turns out, I just liked hearing Peter say dumb things.
Verdict: When it’s good, it’s great. When it’s bad, it’s just “that show your uncle watches too much.”
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1. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005-2008) – AKA “A Kids’ Show That Made Adults Question Their Morals”
The Agenda:
• Imperialism, fascism, genocide, and the ethics of war.
• It’s about kids with elemental superpowers, yet somehow manages to be more mature than most live-action political dramas.
• The Fire Nation is literally every expansionist empire in history.
The Roast:
• For a “kids’ show,” it got DARK.
• The Fire Nation’s entire government is basically a dictatorship.
• By the end, you’re just sitting there, questioning your entire worldview.
The Toast:
• One of the greatest animated series of all time.
• Balanced action, humor, and deep political themes flawlessly.
• Taught kids more about philosophy than most actual philosophy classes.
Self-Deprecation:
• I watched Avatar as a kid thinking, “Cool! Bending powers!” Now I rewatch it and think, “Oh no, this is just world history in disguise.”
Verdict: The smartest “kids’ show” that was never really for kids.
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Final Thoughts: Cartoons Will Always Be Political—Even If You Don’t Notice
Love it or hate it, animation has always been a political playground. Sometimes, it’s brilliantly written satire. Other times, it’s a painfully obvious lecture disguised as entertainment. But no matter what, political messages in cartoons aren’t going anywhere.
Now, argue with me in the comments. What’s the best (or worst) politically charged cartoon? And if you love unhinged animation takes, check out my YouTube channel before some network executive turns C-SPAN into an animated series.
The Top 10 Most Successful Cartoons of All Time (And Why They Might Be Overrated Trash)
Because Just Because It Made Billions Doesn’t Mean It’s Good
Alright.
Some cartoons make history.
Some cartoons make money.
And some cartoons make so much money that they could buy an actual country, slap their logo on the flag, and still have enough left over to buy a fleet of yachts for every executive.
But does that mean they’re good?
Oh no.
Because today, we’re taking a sledgehammer to the so-called “greatest” cartoons of all time.
These are the highest-grossing, most influential, and most successful cartoons ever made.
And we’re going to mercilessly roast every single one of them.
Let’s begin.
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10. SpongeBob SquarePants – The Show That Refuses to Die
Aka: “This Should Have Ended 15 Years Ago.”
Alright.
We all love classic SpongeBob.
Seasons 1-3? Untouchable.
Everything after that? A war crime.
The first few seasons had:
✅ Perfect jokes
✅ Peak absurdity
✅ Characters that weren’t brain-damaged husks
And now?
SpongeBob has the energy of a YouTuber on their 12th energy drink, screaming at a camera for views.
Patrick is a full-blown idiot instead of a lovable doofus.
Squidward is the only one who makes sense, and that’s why he suffers.
And Mr. Krabs? We’re one episode away from him selling SpongeBob’s kidneys for a dollar.
This show had a perfect ending.
And then Nickelodeon said no.
And now we have spin-offs no one asked for, character assassination, and a show that refuses to just GO AWAY.
Final Verdict: Let it die, Nickelodeon. LET IT DIE.
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9. Pokémon – A Show About a Kid Who Will Never Know Peace
Aka: “How Has This Kid Not Aged in 25 YEARS?”
Ash Ketchum has been ten years old since 1997.
That means:
• He has been electrocuted THOUSANDS of times.
• He has been abandoned by every single one of his friends.
• He has walked thousands of miles and still refuses to buy a bicycle.
And after decades of losing, what does he get?
ONE CHAMPIONSHIP.
And what happens next?
He immediately retires.
This man spent 25 years losing just to win once and quit.
Pokémon is supposed to be about catching ‘em all.
But Ash?
He catches like five and abandons them at Professor Oak’s house.
This isn’t a Pokémon journey.
This is a tragic tale of a homeless child wandering the wilderness, trying to find purpose.
And the worst part?
The real champion was Pikachu the whole time.
Final Verdict: Somebody call CPS for Ash.
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8. Family Guy – The Show That Became the Joke
Aka: “It’s Cutaway Gags and Nothing Else.”
Okay.
The first few seasons of Family Guy?
Actually hilarious.
Then what happened?
It became a cutaway gag factory with zero plot.
Every episode is now just:
• Peter does something dumb.
• Cut to a five-minute random joke that has nothing to do with anything.
• Stewie and Brian go on some unnecessary side quest.
• Meg gets bullied for no reason.
• Peter does something even dumber.
That’s it. That’s the whole show.
At this point, Family Guy is less of a sitcom and more like watching a collection of TikTok clips stitched together by an AI.
The worst part?
It still makes millions.
Which means this will never end.
Final Verdict: Even the writers stopped trying years ago.
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7. The Simpsons – The Show That Predicted Its Own Downfall
Aka: “Just Let Grandpa Simpson Rest.”
Look.
The Simpsons used to be legendary.
But then it became a zombie.
The first ten seasons? Untouchable.
Everything after that? A slow, painful descent into madness.
And now?
• Homer is a brain-dead husk of his former self.
• Lisa is a walking Twitter argument.
• Bart is still causing trouble, but he’s been doing it for THREE DECADES.
At this point, even the Simpsons family should be sick of themselves.
And the worst part?
It’s NEVER GOING TO END.
The show has been on for so long that it has outlived entire civilizations.
At this point, the final episode should just be a live broadcast of the Earth’s inevitable heat death.
Final Verdict: It’s been 35 years. Let these people go.
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6. South Park – The Show That Refuses to Grow Up
Aka: “The Edgelord of Cartoons”
South Park is hilarious, but let’s be real:
It’s been doing the same thing since 1997.
And that thing is:
• Shock value.
• Saying something “controversial” and hoping people get mad.
• Killing Kenny.
Every episode is just:
• Let’s make fun of current events.
• Let’s say something offensive.
• Oh no, did we go too far? Haha, just kidding, we don’t care.
The worst part?
It still works.
And as long as the internet keeps arguing about who got offended this time, this show will never go away.
Final Verdict: Still funny, still edgy, still somehow relevant.
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5. Rick and Morty – The Show That’s Just Reddit in Cartoon Form
Aka: “Yes, We Get It. You’re Smart.”
Alright.
I already destroyed Rick and Morty in a previous post, but let’s just say it again:
This show has some of the worst fans on Earth.
If you’ve ever heard someone say:
• “You just don’t get the deep science behind it.”
• “It’s actually really philosophical.”
• “You need a high IQ to understand it.”
You have just met the human equivalent of a Hot Pocket left in the microwave too long.
The worst part?
The first few seasons were actually good.
Then the show became:
• All about Rick being a god.
• Every character being miserable.
• Some multiverse nonsense that no one actually cares about.
And yet…
It’s still making money.
Because people love to feel smart while watching a cartoon about burping.
Because Making Billions Doesn’t Excuse Being Annoying
Alright.
We’ve already brutally roasted half of the most successful cartoons ever made.
We’ve exposed:
• SpongeBob’s refusal to die.
• Ash Ketchum’s never-ending suffering.
• Family Guy’s TikTok-brain writing.
• The Simpsons’ undead status.
• Rick and Morty’s unbearable fanbase.
But now?
Now we get to the BIGGEST names in animation.
These are the most successful, most profitable, most industry-dominating cartoons ever.
And we’re going to mercilessly tear them apart.
Let’s go.
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5. Looney Tunes – The Blueprint for Chaos
Aka: “This Entire Show Was Just One Long Head Injury.”
Look.
I love Looney Tunes.
But let’s be real—
This was NOT a kids’ show.
This was a psychological experiment on how much slapstick violence a human brain can handle before breaking.
Every episode is just:
• Characters getting blown up, shot, electrocuted, and flattened like pancakes.
• Everyone gaslighting each other into insanity.
• Bugs Bunny committing war crimes with zero consequences.
And the worst part?
It WORKED.
We all just accepted that:
• Wile E. Coyote should’ve been dead a thousand times over.
• Daffy Duck deserved all his suffering.
• Bugs Bunny is allowed to mock everyone because he’s “the funny one.”
Looney Tunes didn’t teach us life lessons.
It taught us that violence is hilarious as long as no one dies permanently.
And you know what?
They were right.
Final Verdict: Your childhood was just one big ACME trap.
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4. Tom & Jerry – The Original “It’s Just a Prank, Bro” Show
Aka: “Two Psychopaths Ruining Each Other’s Lives for Our Entertainment.”
Alright.
Tom and Jerry is literally just two lunatics trying to murder each other for 80 years.
Every episode is:
• Tom gets bodied in a way that should send him to the ER.
• Jerry plays the victim but is actually a serial manipulator.
• They reset and do it again.
And we LOVED it.
But let’s be honest—Jerry is the real villain here.
Tom is just trying to live his life.
And Jerry?
Jerry is a professional gaslighter.
• He steals Tom’s food.
• He destroys Tom’s home.
• He ruins Tom’s job, relationships, and mental health.
And whenever Tom finally fights back, we’re supposed to feel bad for Jerry?
No.
At this point, the real mystery is how Tom hasn’t just walked away and started a better life.
Oh, that’s right.
He’s trapped in an endless time loop of violence.
Final Verdict: This show made us root for the wrong guy.
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3. The Flintstones – The Show That Tricked Boomers Into Thinking Cavemen Had 9-to-5 Jobs
Aka: “Prehistoric Capitalism Is Still Capitalism.”
Listen.
This show wants us to believe:
• Cavemen lived like 1950s suburban dads.
• They had jobs, wages, and terrible bosses.
• They invented bowling leagues before the wheel.
I’m sorry, but WHO was paying Fred Flintstone?
Who was minting prehistoric money?
Who was running the economy before basic agriculture?
This is not a Stone Age society.
This is just the 1950s with slightly worse technology.
And the worst part?
This show is literally responsible for every lazy “back in my day” argument Boomers have ever made.
“Oh, kids today don’t work like Fred Flintstone did!”
SIR, HE LITERALLY POWERED HIS CAR WITH HIS OWN FEET.
Final Verdict: The first cartoon to make people nostalgic for an era that never existed.
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2. Scooby-Doo – A Show About Teens Who Refuse to Call the Cops
Aka: “Why Are These Kids Solving Crimes Instead of Doing Homework?”
Alright.
Scooby-Doo is legendary.
But let’s ask the real question:
WHY ARE THESE CHILDREN SOLVING MURDERS?
Every episode is:
• The gang stumbles upon a major crime scene.
• They don’t call the cops.
• They decide to take matters into their own hands.
• They nearly die multiple times.
• Turns out it was just some guy in a mask.
And the worst part?
The police are ALWAYS RIGHT THERE at the end!
Oh, now you show up?!
Where were you when Scooby and Shaggy were getting chased through an abandoned mine by a dude dressed as a ghost pirate?
And don’t even get me started on the fact that:
• Velma loses her glasses at the worst possible moment.
• Fred’s traps NEVER work.
• Shaggy and Scooby could solve every mystery instantly if they weren’t high 24/7.
At this point, Scooby-Doo isn’t about catching criminals.
It’s about watching five people refuse to call 911 for 50 years.
Final Verdict: Somebody arrest Fred for child endangerment.
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1. Mickey Mouse – The Most Successful Cartoon Character of All Time, Yet Somehow the Least Interesting
Aka: “He’s Worth Billions, but What Does He Actually DO?”
Alright.
Mickey Mouse is the face of animation.
He is the most iconic cartoon character in history.
And yet…
He is also one of the most boring.
Think about it.
When was the last time Mickey Mouse did anything interesting?
Donald Duck? Angry and hilarious.
Goofy? A walking disaster and national treasure.
Mickey?
Mickey is just… Mickey.
• He’s always the nice guy.
• He’s never in any real danger.
• He’s the most generic main character in the history of animation.
And yet?
HE OWNS THE WORLD.
Mickey Mouse is so powerful that Disney will literally sue you for looking at him wrong.
He doesn’t have to be funny.
He doesn’t have to be interesting.
He just has to EXIST.
And because of that…
He wins.
Mickey Mouse is the final boss of capitalism.
And there’s nothing we can do to stop him.
Final Verdict: Mickey Mouse is the closest thing we have to an immortal emperor.
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FINAL THOUGHTS: ALL CARTOONS ARE A LIE
We have now mercilessly roasted the 10 most successful cartoons of all time.
We have exposed:
• SpongeBob’s corporate zombification.
• Ash Ketchum’s eternal suffering.
• Tom and Jerry’s endless war.
• The Flintstones’ prehistoric propaganda.
• Mickey Mouse’s quiet world domination.
And the worst part?
None of these shows are going away.
Because if there’s one thing more powerful than good storytelling…
It’s capitalism.
🔥 Next up: The Best and Worst Stop-Motion Films – A Brutal Roast & Toast of Cinema’s Most Painfully Slow Art Form 🔥 And remember to troll me on YouTube!
How I Accidentally Taught Over 50,000 People to Be Animators and Ruined My Own Job Market
So here’s a fun little self-inflicted catastrophe: I unknowingly taught over 50,000 people (and counting) how to be animators. At first, that sounds great, right? “Look at me, empowering the next generation, fostering creativity, giving people skills they can use!”
Yeah, well, guess what? I accidentally created an entire army of animators. And the industry cannot support that many people.
And now? I have successfully trained my own replacement. Multiple times over.
Let’s break down how this horrifically non-scalable mistake happened, why the animation industry isn’t ready for this influx of talent, and how I’m basically getting shoved out of my own job by the competition I created.
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1. How I Accidentally Created an Army of Animators
I never set out to become a mass animation educator. I wasn’t like, “You know what the world needs? 50,000 more animators!”
It just… happened.
• Maybe it was some tutorials I shared.
• Maybe it was a breakdown of my own animation process.
• Maybe it was just making animation look fun and accessible.
• Maybe I was just too good at explaining things.
Either way, I somehow lit the spark in thousands of people who went from, “Wow, animation is cool!” to “I’m gonna be an animator!” And once that domino started falling, it never stopped.
Verdict: Unintentional but completely my fault.
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2. The Animation Industry Cannot Absorb 50,000 New People
You know what happens when you flood a job market with way more workers than there are jobs?
• Wages plummet.
• Competition skyrockets.
• Studios get pickier and cheaper.
For years, animation was a specialized craft. You had to train, practice, and get through insane studio gatekeeping just to land a job. Now? People are self-taught, software is getting easier, and AI is creeping in like a home invader.
We are rapidly approaching a crisis where there are WAY more animators than there are jobs.
Verdict: I have unintentionally helped flood an industry that was already struggling to pay its artists. Whoops.
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3. I’m Literally Training My Own Replacement
You know what the real punch in the gut is? I am being replaced by the people I taught.
• Studios don’t need me when they can hire one of my “students” for cheaper.
• Freelancers I inspired are now underbidding me.
• Companies are throwing projects at fresh animators who will work for experience instead of money.
It’s like building a house and then realizing you accidentally left the doors unlocked for every single competitor you trained.
Verdict: The student has become the master, and the master is now broke.
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4. The Brutal Reality of “Making It” in Animation Now
Let me be painfully honest:
• There are more animators than there are jobs.
• Studios don’t need to pay well when there’s an endless supply of desperate talent.
• AI is getting shoved into the pipeline whether we like it or not.
• Freelance rates are collapsing because of oversaturation.
This industry was already cutthroat. Now? It’s a full-blown gladiator pit. And I helped create the competition.
Verdict: I have done more damage to myself than any studio layoff ever could.
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5. Can This Be Fixed? Or Am I Just Screwed?
At this point, there’s no undoing this. But if I had to find a way forward, here’s what I’d do:
1. Stop training more competition. (Oops, too late.)
2. Shift focus to higher-level skills that can’t be easily replicated.
3. Adapt or die—because this industry is moving too fast.
I might be getting pushed out of the job market I helped create, but I’ll be damned if I go down without a fight.
Verdict: Time to evolve. Again.
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Final Thoughts: I Have No One to Blame But Myself
The worst part? I can’t even be mad. I love that people have learned from me. I love that people are animating because of something I said, did, or made accessible.
But… I also love paying my bills.
So now, I get to live with the reality that I accidentally made animation more competitive than ever—and I am one of the people suffering from it.
Now, fight me in the comments. Have you noticed this explosion of animators? How is the industry handling it? And if you love hot takes on animation, unhinged industry rants, and existential crises, check out my YouTube channel before I’m fully replaced by my own army.
When CGI and 2D Animation Mix Like Oil and Water (But Hollywood Forces It Anyway)
When CGI and 2D Animation Mix Like Oil and Water (But Hollywood Forces It Anyway)
There’s bad animation, and then there’s whatever this is.
For decades, studios have been obsessed with shoving CGI and 2D together, even though it almost never works. Sometimes, it’s an artistic experiment. Other times, it’s a budget-saving shortcut disguised as a creative choice. And sometimes? It’s an unholy crime against animation.
So today, we’re roasting the worst, most painful, most Frankenstein-like attempts at mixing CGI and 2D animation.
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10. The Road Runner Segments in The Looney Tunes Show (2011-2014) – AKA “Why Does the Road Runner Look Like a Video Game NPC?”
The Crime:
• The main show is fully 2D, but for some reason, the Road Runner shorts are full CGI.
• The Looney Tunes have always been about hand-drawn slapstick. So naturally, they thought, “You know what these classic cartoon characters need? Plastic textures and motion blur.”
• It’s like watching a PlayStation 2 cutscene spliced into a normal episode.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI Wile E. Coyote moves too smoothly, killing the classic slapstick feel.
• The backgrounds are pre-rendered CGI nightmares.
• It feels like watching two different cartoons stitched together.
Verdict: The Road Runner is fast, but he should’ve run FAR away from CGI.
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9. The Lion Guard (2016-2019) – AKA “2D Lions Lost in a CGI Wasteland”
The Crime:
• The Lion King is one of the greatest 2D animated films ever. So naturally, Disney made a spin-off series where the characters are 2D, but the backgrounds are ugly, blocky CGI.
• The lighting never matches. The characters look pasted onto a different dimension.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The backgrounds feel like something from a cheap mobile game.
• The CGI environments lack depth and texture.
• The characters look like they’re floating instead of standing on solid ground.
Verdict: The Circle of Life just got broken.
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8. Rugrats: All Grown Up! Opening Credits – AKA “Stretch Armstrong Babies”
The Crime:
• Rugrats was always 2D. Then All Grown Up! decided, “Hey, let’s add 3D elements for no reason.”
• The opening credits use CGI camera movements that stretch and warp the 2D characters in horrifying ways.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The characters’ heads distort like they’re in a funhouse mirror.
• CGI effects are used purely for the sake of it, with no logic.
• It looks like a bad After Effects tutorial from 2003.
Verdict: Nobody asked for CGI Rugrats. Nobody.
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7. Beauty and the Beast Ballroom Scene (1991) – AKA “PlayStation 1 Backgrounds in a Disney Movie”
The Crime:
• The first-ever use of CGI in a Disney feature film… and it shows.
• The ballroom was rendered in 3D, but Belle and the Beast are 2D.
• The camera movements feel way too floaty, like they’re dancing in a dream sequence.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• Groundbreaking in 1991. Unsettling now.
• The CGI background doesn’t blend with the hand-drawn animation.
• It’s like watching two different art styles fight for dominance.
Verdict: It was impressive in its time, but now it just looks cursed.
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6. SpongeBob SquarePants (2010s-Present) – AKA “Bouncy CGI Creepiness”
The Crime:
• SpongeBob was always 2D. But as the years went on, CGI effects started creeping in.
• Characters became extra bouncy, gelatinous, and oddly shiny.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• Some episodes have CGI elements that look weirdly out of place.
• The ultra-smooth movement removes the charm of classic SpongeBob.
• Backgrounds sometimes switch to hyper-detailed CGI, making SpongeBob himself look like he’s lost in a different world.
Verdict: Just because you can add CGI doesn’t mean you should.
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5. Tarzan (1999) – AKA “Tree Surfing on a Green Screen”
The Crime:
• Tarzan’s “Deep Canvas” technique was revolutionary… but also weird as hell.
• The trees are 3D, but Tarzan is still 2D, making him look like he’s sliding instead of running.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI trees look too smooth and fake.
• Tarzan’s movement doesn’t blend with the environment.
• The physics make no sense—he’s surfing on branches like he’s on a Tony Hawk level.
Verdict: Cool idea, but it aged like milk.
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4. Clifford’s Really Big Movie (2004) – AKA “Weird CGI Shadows That Nobody Wanted”
The Crime:
• They took Clifford, a perfectly fine 2D cartoon, and added creepy CGI shading to everything.
• The result? Greasy, plastic-looking characters.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI shading makes the characters look like melted crayons.
• The backgrounds are weirdly 3D while the characters remain flat.
• It looks like a bad Flash animation mixed with a PlayStation 2 game.
Verdict: Some things should stay simple.
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3. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) – AKA “Why Is SpongeBob a Wax Figure?”
The Crime:
• The first half of the movie is classic 2D. Then, suddenly, SpongeBob becomes a horrifying 3D CGI character.
• The 3D models have too much texture, making them look rubbery and dead inside.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI SpongeBob is nightmare fuel.
• His movements are too smooth, making him feel like a puppet.
• It loses all the charm of traditional SpongeBob.
Verdict: Just keep him in 2D, for the love of all that is holy.
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2. The Smurfs (2011) – AKA “Why Did This Movie Happen?”
The Crime:
• The Smurfs are CGI. The humans are real. Everything is pain.
• Every Smurf looks like a blue balloon animal.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI Smurfs have a weird, glossy texture.
• Their movement is too smooth, making them feel disconnected from the world.
• It’s just an excuse to put CGI Smurfs in live-action New York.
Verdict: A Smurfing mistake.
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1. Tom & Jerry: The Movie (2021) – AKA “CGI Purgatory”
The Crime:
• Tom and Jerry are CGI, but everything else is real.
• They tried to make them look 2D, but it just doesn’t work.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI Tom and Jerry look like unfinished test footage.
• Their physics don’t match the real world.
• The charm of the originals is completely lost.
Verdict: Just watch classic Tom & Jerry. This never happened.
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Final Thoughts: STOP DOING THIS.
Whenever 2D and CGI animation mix, it’s usually a crime against animation. Some styles just aren’t meant to blend.
Now, argue with me in the comments. What’s the worst example of 2D and CGI mixing? And if you love unhinged animation takes, check out my YouTube channel before another studio forces CGI into something that never needed it.
Why Caricatures Matter, Why Animation Shortcuts Are Smart, and Why You’re Wrong About Both
Why Caricatures Matter, Why Animation Shortcuts Are Smart, and Why You’re Wrong About Both
People love to scream about “offensive caricatures” and “lazy animation” like they’re experts in anything other than rage-posting on Twitter.
So today, I’m going to do the impossible: Defend caricatures. Defend animation shortcuts. And explain why most of the people whining about them have no idea what they’re talking about.
Strap in. This is going to get messy.
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1. Caricatures Are Not Racism, They’re Just ART (But Sometimes They Are Racism, Let’s Be Honest)
The word “caricature” gets thrown around like a slur these days, usually by people who have never drawn anything more complex than a stick figure. But here’s the thing:
• Caricatures are exaggerations. That’s the point. They distill a character down to their most recognizable features so that, even in silhouette, you know exactly who they are.
• Every great cartoon uses caricature. Mickey Mouse? Literal circles. Bugs Bunny? A walking, talking wisecrack. Homer Simpson? A blob of dad energy with a beer gut.
• Even “realistic” movies use it. Look at Spider-Verse. Look at The Incredibles. The designs are pushed to make them more expressive, more alive, more appealing.
Now, let’s address the big, messy, uncomfortable truth: Yes, caricatures have been used for racism. We’ve seen horrific, dehumanizing depictions of people that were meant to mock rather than represent. And yeah, those suck.
BUT.
Not every caricature is racist, and not every stereotype is automatically offensive. If you don’t believe me, explain why:
• Scottish characters always sound like they gargle gravel.
• French characters always have mustaches and say “hon hon hon.”
• Southern characters all sound like they just walked out of a Cracker Barrel.
And yet, nobody riots over those.
Verdict: If a caricature is done with care, intent, and respect, it’s just a shortcut for storytelling. If it’s done with malice, ignorance, or pure laziness, then yeah, that’s a problem. If you can’t tell the difference, that’s a you problem.
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2. Animation Shortcuts Are Not “Lazy,” They’re What Make Animation Possible
You ever hear some genius say “They just reused the same background, that’s so lazy!” Yeah? Okay, go animate a single frame of a character blinking and get back to me in six months.
Animation shortcuts exist because animating is HARD. Every single frame has to be designed, drawn, colored, and timed perfectly. The more complex a scene, the longer it takes, and the more money it costs.
So when people say stuff like:
• “They used the same walk cycle again!” – Yes. Because no one wants to die animating unique steps for 10,000 frames.
• “That’s just a static background!” – Yeah. And do you want a full background in every shot, or do you want your cartoon in 2025?
• “They looped the animation!” – BECAUSE IT WORKS. If the movement is good, who cares if they reuse it?
You think Looney Tunes had smooth animation because Warner Bros. loved their animators? No. They had INSANE amounts of reused animation. You just didn’t notice because they were smart about it.
And then there’s “cheap animation.” Yeah, sometimes it sucks (cough Flash-animated cartoons from the early 2000s cough), but sometimes it’s a stylistic choice. South Park is intentionally ugly and stiff because it’s part of the joke. FLCL looks like an animator’s fever dream because it is.
Verdict: Shortcuts aren’t laziness, they’re survival. If you want every single movement to be unique, then go work on a 12-year passion project that no one will ever watch because it took too long to finish.
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3. The Difference Between “Shortcuts” and “Cuts That Are Short” (Which Most People Don’t Understand)
Okay, listen carefully. There’s a BIG difference between a shortcut and a cut that’s just short. And if you don’t get this, you’re probably one of those people who thinks all CGI is “lazy.”
Shortcuts = Smart Efficiency
A shortcut is when animators reuse animation, simplify character designs, or make creative choices that save time and money WITHOUT killing the art. It’s necessary and good. Examples:
• Disney’s Robin Hood reusing animation from The Jungle Book.
• Anime characters standing still with their hair blowing dramatically while the voice acting does the work.
• Tom & Jerry running past the same couch five times in a chase sequence.
None of these ruin the final product. They just make production possible.
Cuts That Are Short = Lazy, Sloppy, and Unforgivable
A cut that’s just short is when a studio slashes the animation budget to the bone, rushes production, or just stops trying. Examples:
• CGI that looks like it was rendered on a calculator.
• Lip sync so bad it looks like a dubbed kung-fu movie from the 70s.
• Characters talking in still frames for 30 seconds because they didn’t have the budget to animate mouth movement.
One is smart filmmaking. The other is what happens when you don’t pay your animators enough.
Verdict: If you’re too dumb to tell the difference between a shortcut and actual low effort, congratulations—you’re part of the problem.
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4. If You Think Animation is “Lazy,” Try Doing It Yourself
This is the ultimate test. If you think animators are cutting corners unfairly, then go make a short film. Draw every frame by hand. Time it perfectly. Make sure every single scene has unique motion, unique backgrounds, no reused assets.
Then get back to me in ten years when you finally finish.
Or, you could just accept that shortcuts are part of the art form, that caricatures aren’t always offensive, and that maybe, just maybe, people who work in animation know what they’re doing better than some random guy yelling on Reddit.
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5. CGI Isn’t Ruining Animation, Your Nostalgia Glasses Are
People love to hate on CGI in animation like it personally robbed their house.
• “It all looks the same!” – Yeah, because studios have to make money. Unique styles cost more.
• “Hand-drawn was better!” – Then go watch The Princess and the Frog for the 100th time.
• “Pixar peaked with Toy Story!” – Pixar peaked when you were 12, because that’s when your nostalgia kicked in.
Verdict: Bad CGI exists, but blaming CGI itself is like blaming a pencil for bad handwriting.
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6. “Lazy Animation” Isn’t the Problem—Lazy WRITING Is
A show can look like Michelangelo personally animated it but still be terrible if the writing sucks.
• Velma – Gorgeous animation. Horrendous writing.
• Foodfight! – So bad it’s legendary.
• Big Mouth – It’s ugly, sure. But the real horror is the dialogue.
Verdict: You can forgive bad animation if the story is good. You cannot forgive bad writing, EVER.
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7. Anime Uses More Shortcuts Than Western Cartoons (But Gets Away With It)
Western animation gets called lazy for reusing assets, but anime fans will defend the same techniques like their life depends on it.
• Dragon Ball Z – “That wasn’t a 5-minute scream, it was tension-building.”
• Naruto – “That wasn’t just a still image zoomed in and out, it was cinematic.”
• Attack on Titan – “That wasn’t a reused action scene, it was a budgetary necessity.”
Verdict: Anime gets a pass for cutting corners because people are blinded by hype.
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8. Character Design Can’t Please Everyone, So Stop Complaining
People love to complain about:
• “Too realistic.” (Why does Beowulf look like a wax museum?)
• “Too stylized.” (Why does CalArts exist?)
• “Too anime-looking.” (Why does every anime protagonist have the same haircut?)
No matter what the design choice is, someone will hate it. The solution? Don’t watch it.
Verdict: Not everything is made for you. Deal with it.
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9. Animation is Supposed to Be Weird, Get Over It
People love to nitpick animation for being too unrealistic. But if animation followed real-world physics, it would suck.
• Looney Tunes wouldn’t exist.
• The Incredibles would just be regular people in spandex.
• SpongeBob would have drowned in Episode 1.
Verdict: Stop applying reality to cartoons. That’s literally the whole point of animation.
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10. Stop Saying “They Don’t Make Cartoons Like They Used To” Because Yes, They Do
Every generation thinks animation peaked during their childhood.
• 90s Kids: “Cartoons were better in the 90s!” (Meanwhile, half of them were toy commercials.)
• 2000s Kids: “Cartoons had the best writing back then!” (Buddy, half of those shows had 5 FPS animation and a budget of $12.)
• 2010s Kids: “You just don’t get modern cartoons!” (I do, and some of them are terrible.)
Here’s the truth: Animation has ALWAYS been hit or miss. You just remember the good stuff and forget the garbage.
Verdict: They still make great cartoons, you’re just old.
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Final Thoughts: Stop Complaining About Things You Don’t Understand
Caricatures are not evil, they’re a tool. Animation shortcuts are not laziness, they’re survival. And if you still think cheap animation means bad storytelling, I don’t know what to tell you except go outside and touch some grass.
Now, fight me in the comments. And if you love unhinged animation rants, check out my YouTube channel for more truth bombs.
The Top 10 Disney Films – A Brutal Roast & Toast (With Just Enough Self-Loathing to Keep It Relatable)
Alright, folks, let’s be real—Disney is the supreme overlord of animated movies. They’ve been running the cartoon game for nearly a century, churning out films so iconic that entire generations of kids have burned their childhood innocence into VHS tapes, DVDs, and now soulless streaming platforms that remove movies whenever they feel like it.
But here’s the thing: for every jaw-dropping masterpiece Disney has given us, they’ve also given us some deeply unsettling themes, unhinged plotlines, and enough nightmare fuel to warrant an entire therapy industry.
So today, I present to you:
The Top 10 Disney Films – Roasted, Toasted, and Analyzed by Someone Who Probably Needs to Go Outside More
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10. The Lion King (1994) – AKA “Hamlet, But With More Furry Bait”
Roast: You ever realize this movie is just Hamlet for kids, but instead of existential dread, we get a warthog farting in a meerkat’s face? This film had the nerve to traumatize an entire generation by yeeting Mufasa off a cliff in the most brutal father-death scene since Bambi’s mom. And let’s not ignore the fact that Scar was basically running a dictatorship with an army of hyenas who somehow didn’t eat him first.
Toast: That soundtrack? FLAWLESS. Elton John did NOT have to go that hard on “Circle of Life,” but he did, and we are better people for it. Also, let’s be honest—Scar is lowkey the best Disney villain of all time. Dude had the voice of Jeremy Irons and the energy of a bitter theater kid who got cast as “Tree #3” in a school play.
Self-Deprecation: Watching this as a kid? Sobbed. Watching it as an adult? Sobbed harder, but in a more existential way. Also, I unironically tried to sing “Be Prepared” in the shower once and almost slipped on a bar of soap.
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9. Beauty and the Beast (1991) – AKA “Stockholm Syndrome, But Make It a Musical”
Roast: Let’s not sugarcoat this: Belle fell in love with her kidnapper. This man **locked her in a castle, threw a tantrum over soup, and had literal talking furniture peer-pressuring her into romance. Also, let’s talk about how Gaston was right. I mean, the Beast literally had an entire dungeon—maybe Gaston just had a basic sense of public safety.
Toast: That ballroom scene? Chef’s kiss. The animation team straight-up invented CGI for that one moment. And Belle? Actually a top-tier Disney protagonist. She was out here reading books and roasting idiots, which, honestly, is the dream.
Self-Deprecation: I once thought Lumière was the most sophisticated Disney character ever… only to realize he was basically just a French frat bro who sang about pressuring dinner guests into eating mystery meat.
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8. Aladdin (1992) – AKA “Wish Fulfillment, Literally”
Roast: My guy Aladdin was out here committing identity fraud and we all just went along with it. He gaslit an entire kingdom into thinking he was royalty and won over Jasmine by lying at every opportunity. Also, Jafar’s evil plan was literally just ‘Get a government job and work your way up the ladder.’ That’s not villainy, that’s called “career ambition.”
Toast: Robin Williams as the Genie. End of discussion. This man delivered a voice performance so good it carried the entire movie. Also, “A Whole New World” is the most dangerously singable Disney song of all time.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to do the “magic carpet lean” while singing A Whole New World… in my living room. Result? A bruised knee, a broken chair, and a shattered ego.
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7. The Little Mermaid (1989) – AKA “Sell Your Soul for a Man, the Movie”
Roast: Ariel really said, “I’ll permanently alter my DNA for a dude I saw once.” Homegirl traded her entire voice, culture, and ability to swim for some dude with great hair but no actual personality. Also, King Triton? Dude literally caused the whole plot by being a bad dad. If he’d just let Ariel date a fish boy from the reef, we wouldn’t even have a movie.
Toast: Ursula is a QUEEN. She had charisma, business sense, and a killer wardrobe. Honestly, she deserved to rule the ocean. And let’s be honest, “Under the Sea” slaps harder than my rent payments.
Self-Deprecation: I used to think Eric was the perfect prince. Then I realized he fell in love with a mute girl who washed up on shore like a drowned rat. Dude was just lonely.
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6. Mulan (1998) – AKA “Cross-Dressing and War Crimes for Family Honor”
Roast: The entire plot of this movie is based on a teenager committing federal fraud. Mulan forged government documents, stole a horse, and committed identity theft. But because she did it for “honor,” Disney just lets it slide. Also, let’s talk about how the Huns survived an avalanche like they were in a Fast & Furious movie.
Toast: Mulan is hands-down one of the best Disney protagonists ever. She saved China, roasted men for their fragile masculinity, and did it all with the voice of Ming-Na Wen. Also, “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” could single-handedly bring back gym memberships.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to do Mulan’s sword pose in front of a mirror. I fell, hit my dresser, and had to explain a forehead bruise to my coworkers.
5. Hercules (1997) – AKA “Greek Mythology, But With More Jazz Hands”
Roast: First of all, this movie has the historical accuracy of a fever dream. Disney took one look at Greek mythology and said, “What if we made it into a 90-minute motivational poster?” In actual mythology, Hercules killed his entire family in a fit of rage. In Disney? He’s just a confused himbo with the upper body strength of a literal god and the emotional range of a piece of toast.
Also, WHY is Hades the only competent character? Dude ran the underworld, had an army, and was doing just fine until Hercules and his five brain cells showed up. If anything, Zeus is the real villain here—man had one job (raise his son) and instead decided to just yeet him to Earth and hope for the best.
Toast: The Muses carried this entire film. The moment they started singing, I knew this movie had more soul than my actual soul. And yes, I still sing “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” like it’s a legally required breakup anthem.
Self-Deprecation: As a kid, I thought Phil’s training montage would make me want to exercise. Instead, I ate a bag of Doritos while watching it. To this day, I still think about working out whenever I hear “Zero to Hero”—and then immediately sit down.
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4. Frozen (2013) – AKA “Sibling Trauma and Ice Lasers”
Roast: The core message of this movie is “your sister ignored you for a decade, but it’s fine because she has magic hands now.” Elsa spent years freezing out her only friend, and we’re just supposed to accept that she’s the hero?
Also, Hans played the long game better than most Disney villains. My guy waited for years, dated Anna for like 10 minutes, and nearly stole an entire kingdom. Meanwhile, Kristoff—our actual romantic lead—was out here talking to a reindeer like it was his therapist.
Toast: Frozen gave us one of the most overplayed songs in human history, but let’s be real—it’s a banger. Elsa’s ice palace animation alone set the entire animation industry back three years because it was so detailed. Also, Olaf is somehow the most emotionally stable character, and that says a lot.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to hit the high note in “Let It Go” in my car and immediately pulled something in my throat. The only thing I let go was my dignity.
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3. Finding Nemo (2003) – AKA “Single Dad Anxiety: The Movie”
Roast: Marlin’s entire personality is just “What if anxiety was a fish?” The dude went on an ocean-wide manhunt for his son, and somehow a fish with memory loss was the most competent sidekick. Also, can we talk about how the sharks literally had an AA meeting for eating their own kind?
And don’t even get me started on Darla, the psycho child who shook fish to death. Where were this girl’s parents? Why was she allowed in public? That kid should be on a watchlist.
Toast: The animation in this movie? So good it ruined my expectations for real life. Also, Dory carried this film. Without her, Marlin would have cried himself into a tide pool.
Self-Deprecation: Watching this movie as a kid? Terrifying. Watching it as an adult? Even worse, because now I understand why Marlin was freaking out. I’ve misplaced my phone for two minutes and had a full-on crisis—this dude lost his CHILD.
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2. Pocahontas (1995) – AKA “History? Never Heard of It.”
Roast: This movie really said, “What if we took a tragic real-life story and made it… a musical?” Nothing like turning colonialism into a magical romance. Also, Pocahontas was 10 years old in real life. But Disney said, “Nah, make her 20 and give her a perfect blowout.”
Also, John Smith had zero personality. His whole character arc was “I showed up and decided to be less racist than my friends.” Congratulations? The bar is on the floor.
Toast: Colors of the Wind is an undeniable masterpiece. That song alone deserved its own Oscar. Also, Meeko the raccoon had more character development than John Smith, and I respect that.
Self-Deprecation: I used to think this was historically accurate. Then I read a book and realized this movie was basically fanfiction with a soundtrack.
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1. Cinderella (1950) – AKA “Just Get Better Shoes, Girl”
Roast: Cinderella’s entire plan was “change my outfit and hope my problems disappear.” And it worked. The Prince didn’t even remember her face. My guy was out here holding a royal manhunt over a SHOE. Not her voice, not her personality—just one extremely niche foot size.
Also, how did the glass slipper not shatter? The moment she stepped on cobblestone, that thing should have exploded.
Toast: Despite its nonsense, this movie is peak Disney magic. The animation, the fairy godmother scene, the **“Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo” nonsense—it’s all iconic.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to put on a shoe a size too small to see if I could “Cinderella” my way into it. End result? Lost circulation in my foot and had to wobble around for 10 minutes.
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Final Thoughts: I Love These Movies, But Let’s Be Honest…
Yes, I just roasted all of these films. Yes, they are deeply flawed. But do I love them anyway? Absolutely.
Now it’s your turn—argue with me in the comments. What movie deserved MORE roasting? Which one do you irrationally love even though it makes no sense?
Cinderella: The Original Foot Fetish Fairytale
Roast: Let’s just address the glass-slippered elephant in the room—Cinderella is the OG foot fetish movie, and we all just let it slide.
Think about it. The prince had one job: find the love of his life. But did he remember her face? Nope. Her voice? Not a chance. Her general vibe? Absolutely not. The man saw one (1) dainty foot and decided, “Yeah, this is the only way I can identify her.”
And Disney doubled down on this. Entire scenes are just close-ups of women desperately trying to squeeze their feet into the slipper like it’s a 4-inch heel from the clearance rack at Payless. Meanwhile, Prince Charming is out here, personally supervising the royal foot inspections like Quentin Tarantino’s spiritual ancestor.
Oh, and let’s not forget the sheer logistical nonsense of this glass slipper test.
• What if someone had the same shoe size?
• What if Cinderella’s foot was just swollen that day?
• What if the prince had a slight memory and was like, “Hmm, maybe I should just… look at her face?”
But nah. It’s all about the feet.
Toast: The fairy godmother sequence? Still iconic. The animation? Stunning. The fact that this movie somehow made me root for a woman whose only strategy for escaping poverty was getting better shoes? Impressive.
Self-Deprecation: As a kid, I thought the whole glass slipper thing was romantic. As an adult, I realize Cinderella got engaged to a man who literally did not recognize her outside of foot measurements. Meanwhile, I can barely recognize my own socks after they go through the wash.
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So yeah. Cinderella? A magical fairytale, yes. But also? The original blueprint for foot-obsessed weirdos everywhere.
Now, argue with me in the comments—was Prince Charming just an incompetent romantic, or did he have some “preferences” we should be concerned about? And while you’re at it, check out my YouTube channel for more animation takes, cartoons, and poor life choices.
Cartoons, Nostalgia, and the Deranged Psychoanalysts Who Accidentally Warped My Brain (and Yours, Too)
Alright, listen up, you glorious animation-loving degenerates—it’s time we talk about why we’re all obsessed with cartoons like they’re a lost religious text instead of just moving drawings of talking animals and emotionally stunted superheroes.
Why do we keep coming back to the cartoons of our childhood? Why do we get physically enraged when someone messes with a beloved animated classic? Why does my brain refuse to retain important tax information, yet I can perfectly recall the entire DuckTales theme song at a moment’s notice?
Because we’ve all been psychologically manipulated by dead guys in tweed jackets who couldn’t stop projecting their own childhood trauma onto the rest of us.
Yeah, that’s right. If you’re obsessed with animation, you can directly blame a bunch of early 20th-century psychoanalysts who turned childhood into a battlefield of subconscious mind games. Freud, Jung, and the entire nostalgia industrial complex have been running our brains like an old Hanna-Barbera animation loop.
Let’s break this nonsense down. And, as always, if you disagree, I invite you to FIGHT ME IN THE COMMENTS.
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Step 1: Freud Makes Childhood Weird (Again)
Let’s start with Sigmund “I Ruin Everything” Freud.
Freud had one major theory: every single thing you do, think, or say is because of deep-seated childhood trauma.
Did you develop an attachment to cartoons with heroic father figures like The Lion King or Batman: The Animated Series? That’s daddy issues, my guy.
Did you fixate on weird, surreal, chaotic cartoons like Ren & Stimpy or Ed, Edd n Eddy? Your subconscious is screaming for help.
Did you enjoy Tom & Jerry? Congratulations, you have unresolved aggression issues and should probably stay away from open flame.
Freud didn’t live long enough to witness Looney Tunes, but if he had, he’d absolutely have written a 400-page thesis about how Elmer Fudd’s inability to kill Bugs Bunny was some kind of repressed Oedipal conflict.
The worst part? Freud’s nonsense infected everything. Animators—whether consciously or not—built entire franchises that pandered to our deep-seated neuroses.
That’s why old cartoons feel so weirdly psychological when you look back:
• Bugs Bunny constantly switching identities and gender roles? Freud would call that latent repression.
• Wile E. Coyote’s endless cycle of failure? Textbook self-sabotage.
• Goofy being a dog who owns a dog? Freud would just stare at you silently and hand you a whiskey.
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Step 2: Carl Jung Decides Everything Is an Archetype and Now I Can’t Unsee It
Now, Freud was all about trauma, but Carl Jung? Carl Jung was about patterns. He believed that every story ever told follows the same recurring psychological blueprints called archetypes.
And wouldn’t you know it, every single cartoon character you’ve ever loved falls into one of these categories:
• The Hero – (Superman, Goku, Leonardo from TMNT, Ash Ketchum, Every Protagonist With Spiky Hair)
• The Shadow (Villain) – (Scar, The Joker, Shredder, Your HOA President)
• The Wise Mentor – (Yoda, Splinter, Rafiki, The One Uncle Everyone Trusts at Thanksgiving)
• The Trickster – (Bugs Bunny, Loki, That Friend Who Convinces You to Get Taco Bell at 2 AM)
Jung unknowingly laid the foundation for every single animated story structure.
Take Batman: The Animated Series. Jung would have LOST HIS MIND over how that show perfectly used the Shadow archetype for villains, the Wise Mentor for Alfred, and the Eternal Child for Robin (who, let’s be honest, was one rooftop jump away from a therapy appointment at all times).
Even Rick and Morty—which acts like it’s above everything—is literally just Jungian archetypes with extra nihilism and less emotional stability.
Jung didn’t mean to create the literal blueprint for every great animated story ever, but here we are.
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Step 3: Nostalgia Is a Scam (And I Keep Falling for It Anyway)
Fast forward to today, and now we’re all held hostage by the weaponized nostalgia machine.
Cartoons follow a 30-year nostalgia cycle, which means that EVERYTHING YOU LOVED AS A KID WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU.
• ‘80s kids got Transformers and Ninja Turtles revivals in the 2010s.
• ‘90s kids got DuckTales and Animaniacs reboots in the 2020s.
• 2000s kids are about to get a cursed Jimmy Neutron revival and they are NOT ready.
The formula is insultingly simple:
1. You love a show as a kid.
2. You forget about it in your teenage years while pretending to like “serious” things.
3. You rediscover it as an adult and suddenly believe it was pure genius.
4. You force your kids to watch it while muttering about how “cartoons used to be better.”
5. Hollywood cashes in and reboots it with just enough polish to emotionally destroy you.
And guess what? I fall for it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did I watch the DuckTales reboot even though I told myself I wouldn’t? Yes.
Am I going to cry when they inevitably reboot Batman: The Animated Series with AI-enhanced animation? Obviously.
Would I fight a man in a Chili’s parking lot over whether the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon was peak storytelling? Try me.
Because nostalgia isn’t just a feeling—it’s a BUSINESS MODEL.
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What Have We Learned?
That cartoons have psychologically hijacked our brains and there is no escape.
They were built on Freudian subconscious chaos.
They were structured around Jungian storytelling instincts.
And now they are packaged, rebooted, and force-fed back to us in a cycle of nostalgia so perfect it would make a time traveler cry.
So the next time you find yourself binge-watching X-Men: The Animated Series and wondering why it still slaps harder than modern superhero movies, just remember:
It’s not your fault.
It’s Freud’s.
But You Know What You CAN Control?
Watching actual new cartoons made by real humans and not corporate AI sludge. That’s why I MAKE MY OWN.
Check out my YouTube channel where I create original animation, absurd cartoon breakdowns, and unhinged rants like this but with more moving pictures.
And if you think I’m wrong about anything in this post, come at me in the comments. Let’s battle it out like Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam, except with more internet rage and fewer guns.
Top 10 Reasons Anime is Dangerous, Awful, Ugly, and Will Blatantly Corrupt, Possess, and Pervert Your Children
Alright, folks, it’s time to speak the truth that no one else is brave enough to say: anime is a plague upon society. It is warping minds, destroying morals, and slowly turning the world into a terrifying place where grown adults unironically argue over which fictional 14-year-old is “best girl.”
You might think, “But isn’t anime just cartoons from Japan?” NO. That’s what they want you to think. Anime is a dangerous, soul-consuming force that will absolutely corrupt your children, ruin your household, and possibly open a portal to an alternate dimension where everyone screams their emotions in dramatic gasps.
So, let’s break down the top 10 reasons why anime is a threat to humanity, a blight on art, and the leading cause of uncontrollable, obsessive weirdness.
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10. Anime Fans Will Not Shut Up About It
You ever met an anime fan? I’m sorry.
The moment they find out you’ve never watched their favorite series, it’s over. Suddenly, your life becomes a nonstop lecture about why you “NEED to watch Attack on Titan right now,” complete with aggressive hand gestures, incomprehensible lore dumps, and the looming threat of endless AMVs.
And if you dare say “I don’t really like anime” in front of them? Congratulations, you’ve just signed up for a 12-hour PowerPoint presentation about how you’re wrong, ignorant, and probably a bad person.
Verdict: If anime isn’t dangerous, then why does it turn its fans into relentless missionaries trying to convert the world one poorly explained anime plot at a time?
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9. The Animation is Both Too Much and Not Enough
Anime’s animation quality is a bizarre paradox. Either:
1. Nothing moves for 10 minutes straight. Instead of animating, the studio zooms in on a still image while characters dramatically gasp.
2. It moves TOO much. The second a fight scene starts, the budget explodes and suddenly the animation looks better than real life.
What is this inconsistency? How does the same medium produce animation that looks like a million-dollar masterpiece one second, and then revert to 3 PowerPoint slides and a dream the next?
Verdict: Pick a lane, anime. Either be beautifully animated or stay ugly forever.
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8. The Art Style is Just… Wrong
Anime looks like someone tried to describe a human face to an alien.
• The eyes are too big.
• The noses are microscopic.
• The hair defies all known laws of physics and logic.
• The mouths either move too much or not at all.
How did we let an entire industry normalize characters looking like mutated Bratz dolls? Why is it that in 90% of anime, the men look like soft, sad twigs, while the women look like they stepped out of an inflation fetishist’s DeviantArt page?
Verdict: If I showed a Victorian child an anime screenshot, they would die instantly.
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7. It Normalizes Screaming as a Personality Trait
If you watch anime, you now live in a world where yelling is the only form of communication.
• Main character? Always shouting.
• Side character? Screaming about friendship.
• Villain? Screaming about revenge.
• Comic relief character? Yelling because yelling is funny.
Every argument in anime sounds like two cats fighting in an alley at 3 AM. Every emotional moment has to be at 200% volume. Even whispered dialogue somehow feels loud.
Verdict: If anime doesn’t ruin your child’s moral compass, it’ll definitely ruin their inside voice.
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6. The Filler Episodes Will Steal Your Life Away
Have you ever tried to watch an anime with more than 100 episodes? Congratulations, you’re now a prisoner.
• Naruto – Half the show is filler.
• One Piece – Will never end.
• Dragon Ball Z – Took 12 episodes for one guy to throw a punch.
• Bleach – Had an entire arc where NOTHING HAPPENED.
Anime traps its audience in a never-ending cycle of waiting for real content. It’s the entertainment industry’s biggest scam.
Verdict: By the time you finish one anime, your child will be legally old enough to rent a car.
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5. It Turns People Into Weebs, and Weebs are a Problem
What is a weeb? A weeb is a person who loves anime… a little TOO much.
Symptoms of weeb-ness include:
• Suddenly speaking broken Japanese in daily conversation.
• Dressing like a character with zero self-awareness.
• Refusing to watch anything not in Japanese because “subtitles are the only real way to experience it.”
• Developing a deeply concerning attachment to fictional waifus/husbandos.
And once someone becomes a weeb, there is no return.
Verdict: Anime isn’t just a hobby—it’s a full-blown personality replacement program.
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4. The “Fan Service” is Just Cartoon Softcore Porn
If you’ve ever watched anime with a normal human being in the room, you’ve probably had to explain some incredibly uncomfortable scenes.
• Panty shots in a show that’s supposedly “for kids.”
• Boobs that defy all logic and physics.
• High school girls drawn like they’re one step away from an FBI raid.
At some point, we need to admit that anime has a PROBLEM with unnecessary, weird, and downright creepy fan service.
Verdict: Good luck explaining why the main character just tripped and landed face-first into someone’s chest.
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3. The Fans Will Defend Anything, No Matter How Awful It Is
Anime fans are the most loyal (and terrifying) fandom on the planet. If you dare criticize a bad anime, prepare for:
• Death threats.
• 4-hour-long YouTube rants about how “you just don’t get it.”
• Someone explaining the “deep symbolism” in an anime about magical catgirls.
Anime fans will defend absolute garbage like it’s a sacred text.
Verdict: Anime isn’t just dangerous—it creates an army of fans who will die on the dumbest hills imaginable.
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2. It Glorifies Emotionally Broken Main Characters
In anime, being emotionally unstable is a superpower.
• Depressed? You’re probably the chosen one.
• Have unresolved trauma? Time to become an elite warrior.
• Abandoned as a child? Congratulations, you’re the most powerful person in the universe.
Instead of teaching healthy coping mechanisms, anime tells kids “if you’re sad enough, you’ll develop superpowers.”
Verdict: Therapy is expensive, but watching a guy scream his trauma away for 300 episodes is free.
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1. IT NEVER ENDS
If you let your child watch anime, kiss them goodbye. They will never finish watching all of it. Even if they do, there’s always another series.
Anime is not just a genre—it’s a lifetime commitment. And once you’re in? You never leave.
Verdict: Anime isn’t a show, it’s a trap.
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Final Thoughts: Run While You Still Can
So, is anime actually dangerous, awful, and corrupting? No. But does it create an army of screaming, hyper-obsessed, reality-avoiding fans? Absolutely.
Now, fight me in the comments. And if you love animation rants, check out my YouTube channel for more unhinged nonsense.
Animation Anarchy FAQ: Answering the Questions No One Asked (But Should Have)
Welcome to Animation Anarchy, the most chaotic, unnecessary, and undeniably genius corner of the internet dedicated to animated TV and film. You might have questions. You probably don’t. But that won’t stop me from answering them.
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What is Animation Anarchy?
It’s a blog. It’s a movement. It’s an animated fever dream disguised as intelligent analysis. We take animation way too seriously and not seriously at all, simultaneously. If you’ve ever wanted deep-dive breakdowns of Scooby-Doo’s tax fraud potential or a conspiracy theory about why Mickey Mouse might be a shadow government operative, you’re in the right place.
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Who writes this nonsense?
That would be me, Jesse Bray—a creative mad scientist, professional animator, and man with way too many opinions about cartoons. If you need credentials, I’ve been making animations since before YouTube even knew what HD was. If you don’t need credentials, good, because I was going to ignore that request anyway.
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Why is this called Animation Anarchy?
Because Animation Sensible, Well-Thought-Out Takes sounded boring. This blog is here to rip the filter off and say what everyone is thinking (or at least what I’m thinking at 3 AM after too much coffee).
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What kind of animation do you cover?
Everything from 90s classics to modern disasters. If it’s animated, it’s fair game—TV shows, movies, hand-drawn, CGI, stop-motion, even the horrifying wax figures from early 2000s 3D animation experiments. If it moves, we roast it.
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Is this a serious blog?
That depends. Are we serious about unserious things? Absolutely. Will we ever write a straightforward, no-jokes, purely educational post? Absolutely not.
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What cartoons do you refuse to cover?
• Powerpuff Girls (I know nothing, and I want to keep it that way.)
• Arthur (This aardvark is dead to me.)
• Teletubbies (Not a cartoon. Also, they haunt my dreams.)
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Why do you roast modern animation so much?
Because I love animation, and nothing hurts like watching it get mangled by AI-generated scripts, lazy reboots, and characters with the depth of a cardboard cutout. That being said, I give credit where it’s due… and then immediately take it back if the animation does something stupid in episode two.
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Is this just a nostalgia blog?
No. I have the memory of a goldfish and barely remember half the shows I watched as a kid. That’s why we deep-dive, rewatch, and painfully relive the awkward animation choices of our childhoods together.
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Are there spoilers?
Oh, absolutely. If you think this blog is going to tiptoe around spoilers, you’re in the wrong part of the internet. You’ve had decades to watch these shows. If you didn’t, that’s on you.
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What if I get offended by one of your posts?
Then you have excellent taste in getting offended because that means you actually read it. Feel free to rage-comment below so I can use your outrage to fuel my next post.
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What if I disagree with your takes?
Congratulations! You’re a fully functioning human being with your own thoughts and opinions. Feel free to argue in the comments, but just know that I am always right.
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Will this blog help me become an animator?
Sure! Here’s a free step-by-step animation tutorial:
1. Watch cartoons.
2. Complain about them.
3. Draw something better.
4. Realize animation takes forever and cry.
5. Keep animating anyway.
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Can I submit ideas or topics?
Yes! Just know that if your idea is terrible, I will pretend I never saw it.
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Where can I read more of your unfiltered thoughts on animation?
Follow me on YouTube, because let’s be honest, this blog is mostly here to drive traffic to my channel and make you laugh so hard that you can’t resist subscribing.
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Final Question: Why should I even read this blog?
Because you love animation, you love chaos, and you have nothing better to do right now. Or maybe because I bribed you with nostalgia, good taste, and the occasional conspiracy theory. Either way, welcome to Animation Anarchy—where cartoons get the respect (or disrespect) they deserve.
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 10: The Top 30 Most Popular Cartoon Characters and the Careers They Should Have Chosen Instead
Or: If These Characters Had Therapy, Their Lives Would Be VERY Different
Alright, folks.
This is it.
The FINAL CHAPTER of our deep dive into cartoon character psychology.
For the last nine episodes, we’ve exposed heroes, villains, sidekicks, and eldritch horrors disguised as children’s characters.
But today?
TODAY, WE FIX THEM.
🔥 What if cartoon characters actually went to therapy?
🔥 What if they got real jobs instead of running around causing chaos?
🔥 What careers would actually suit their psychological profiles?
Well, wonder no more.
Because today, we’re breaking down 30 of the most iconic animated characters and giving them the jobs they should have had instead of terrorizing our childhoods.
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1. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) – Should Have Been a Crash Test Dummy
Psyche Evaluation:
• Low effort, high survivability.
• Somehow never truly dies, despite his choices.
• Can withstand immense physical trauma.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Crash Test Dummy. 🔥
Homer has spent 34+ seasons proving he can survive literally anything.
✅ Fell down Springfield Gorge? Lived.
✅ Electrocuted himself repeatedly? Thrived.
✅ Been crushed, burned, shot, and flattened? Still kicking.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d save millions in car safety testing. 🔥
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2. SpongeBob SquarePants – Should Have Been a Cult Leader
Psyche Evaluation:
• Unbreakable optimism in the face of reality.
• Unhealthy obsession with a dead-end job.
• Somehow convinces others to follow his madness.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Cult Leader. 🔥
SpongeBob could:
✅ Get people to give up their entire lives to worship a spatula.
✅ Turn the Chum Bucket into a religious movement.
✅ Convince an entire town that jellyfishing is a sacred ritual.
Honestly?
🔥 He’s one good speech away from starting the Church of Krabby Patty. 🔥
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3. Batman – Should Have Been an HR Manager
Psyche Evaluation:
• Incapable of processing emotions normally.
• Obsessed with rules, justice, and workplace efficiency.
• Hires multiple underpaid child sidekicks.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Human Resources Manager. 🔥
Bruce Wayne would:
✅ Fire you for being two minutes late.
✅ Make you train in the break room for six years before giving you a real task.
✅ Expect you to work overnight while he sulks in a corner.
Honestly?
🔥 Gotham’s real crime problem is that Batman has never taken a vacation. 🔥
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4. Bugs Bunny – Should Have Been a Supreme Court Lawyer
Psyche Evaluation:
• Master manipulator.
• Wins every argument, every time.
• Takes loopholes to an ungodly level.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Supreme Court Lawyer. 🔥
If Bugs Bunny were in a courtroom, he would:
✅ Out-argue every opposing attorney within 10 minutes.
✅ Convince the judge that his client is innocent, even if they confessed.
✅ Cross-dress and somehow still win the case.
Honestly?
🔥 If Bugs had a law degree, we’d all be doomed. 🔥
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5. Scooby-Doo – Should Have Been a Food Critic
Psyche Evaluation:
• Refuses to do work unless food is involved.
• Eats more than a human should be able to consume.
• Has never said no to a snack, ever.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Food Critic. 🔥
If Scooby was a real food reviewer, he would:
✅ Demand a lifetime supply of Scooby Snacks as payment.
✅ Give every restaurant a five-star review, just for free food.
✅ Write reviews that are 90% drooling sounds.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d be the Anthony Bourdain of dog food. 🔥
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6. Dexter (Dexter’s Laboratory) – Should Have Been a Pharmaceutical CEO
Psyche Evaluation:
• Genius with no regard for ethical consequences.
• Thinks he’s better than everyone.
• Invents things that could change the world but hoards them.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Big Pharma CEO. 🔥
If Dexter worked in medicine, he would:
✅ Discover the cure for every disease.
✅ Charge $5,000 per pill.
✅ Spend most of his time feuding with his sister in the company parking lot.
Honestly?
🔥 Dexter is two patents away from being Elon Musk. 🔥
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7. The Powerpuff Girls – Should Have Been a Government Weapons Program
Psyche Evaluation:
• Literal weapons of mass destruction disguised as children.
• No oversight, no regulation.
• Regularly level entire cities with no consequences.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Military-Grade Superweapons. 🔥
The U.S. government would:
✅ Put them on the payroll before they turned 10.
✅ Deploy them in every war ever.
✅ Spend billions making “Powerpuff Drones.”
Honestly?
🔥 These girls should NOT be in kindergarten. 🔥
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8. Johnny Bravo – Should Have Been a Used Car Salesman
Psyche Evaluation:
• Full confidence, zero awareness.
• Will hit on anything with a pulse.
• Talks fast, sells nonsense, never admits failure.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Used Car Salesman. 🔥
Johnny Bravo could:
✅ Sell you a car that doesn’t have an engine.
✅ Talk you into a bad deal while flexing in the mirror.
✅ Convince himself it was YOUR fault when the car breaks down.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d be the king of sleazy commercials. 🔥
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Final Thoughts: These Characters Missed Their Callings
At the end of the day, if these cartoon characters had pursued actual careers instead of running around causing chaos…
🔥 The world would be a VERY different place. 🔥
Imagine:
✅ Batman running HR meetings.
✅ SpongeBob leading a cult.
✅ Bugs Bunny winning Supreme Court cases in drag.
Because if these characters had real jobs instead of terrorizing animated worlds, the world would be a much safer (and probably funnier) place.
9. Goofy – Should Have Been a Life Coach
Psyche Evaluation:
• Unstoppable optimism despite obvious disasters.
• Survives purely through luck and accidental wisdom.
• Somehow keeps a job, a house, and a kid despite being Goofy.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Life Coach. 🔥
Goofy would:
✅ Give the worst advice but somehow make it work.
✅ Teach mindfulness by accident.
✅ Turn failure into success just by being himself.
Honestly?
🔥 People would PAY to hear him say “Gawrsh, just believe in yourself!” 🔥
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10. Wile E. Coyote – Should Have Been a NASA Engineer
Psyche Evaluation:
• Brilliant, but an idiot at the same time.
• More durable than any living thing should be.
• Has spent MILLIONS on ACME products instead of solving hunger.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 NASA Engineer. 🔥
If Wile E. Coyote worked at NASA, he would:
✅ Build a rocket in three minutes.
✅ Make it explode immediately.
✅ Die and respawn 50 times but still try again.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d get humans to Mars through sheer trial and error. 🔥
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11. Patrick Star – Should Have Been a DMV Employee
Psyche Evaluation:
• Slow-moving, unbothered, does not care.
• Knows absolutely nothing, yet remains confident.
• Can sit in the same spot for hours and feel nothing.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 DMV Employee. 🔥
Patrick Star would:
✅ Make you wait three hours for no reason.
✅ Forget why you were there in the first place.
✅ Give you the wrong paperwork and take a nap.
Honestly?
🔥 Perfectly qualified. 🔥
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12. Daffy Duck – Should Have Been a Twitter Troll
Psyche Evaluation:
• Angry, loud, thrives on chaos.
• Constantly seeking validation but refuses to admit it.
• Lives to argue and will never back down.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Professional Twitter Troll. 🔥
Daffy would:
✅ Start fights for no reason.
✅ Turn every debate into a personal vendetta.
✅ Never log off.
Honestly?
🔥 The internet was made for him. 🔥
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13. Fred Flintstone – Should Have Been a Construction Union Rep
Psyche Evaluation:
• Overworked dad energy.
• Loud, angry, always fighting The Man.
• Loves a good lunch break.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Construction Union Representative. 🔥
Fred would:
✅ Fight for fair wages while eating a giant turkey leg.
✅ Lead a strike with a dinosaur-powered megaphone.
✅ Make “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” the official labor chant.
Honestly?
🔥 He was born for this. 🔥
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14. Pepe Le Pew – Should Have Been Banned from Society
Psyche Evaluation:
• Too much confidence, not enough self-awareness.
• Cannot take “NO” for an answer.
• If he were real, he’d be in prison.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 None. Keep him away from people. 🔥
Pepe Le Pew should:
✅ Be on a government watchlist.
✅ Stay at least 500 feet away from everyone.
✅ Have an intervention immediately.
Honestly?
🔥 No job. Just therapy. Forever. 🔥
⸻
15-30 (Rapid-Fire Career Fixes)
15. Shaggy (Scooby-Doo) → Cannabis Dispensary Owner (You already know why.)
16. Tom (Tom & Jerry) → UFC Fighter (Takes beatings, keeps coming back.)
17. Jerry (Tom & Jerry) → Political Strategist (Wins every battle through petty manipulation.)
18. Plankton (SpongeBob) → Tech CEO (Evil genius who hoards bad ideas.)
19. Mojo Jojo (Powerpuff Girls) → Motivational Speaker (Talks too much but sounds convincing.)
20. The Grinch → HOA President (Hates fun, wants total control.)
21. Yosemite Sam → Florida Man (No job. Just causes chaos.)
22. Perry the Platypus (Phineas & Ferb) → CIA Operative (Already doing it, just needs a paycheck.)
23. Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Phineas & Ferb) → QVC Salesperson (Could sell you an “inator” at 2 AM.)
24. Gaston (Beauty & the Beast) → Gym Influencer (“STOP BEING POOR, BRO!”)
25. Mr. Krabs (SpongeBob) → Investment Banker (Would sell you AND your soul for $1.)
26. Ed (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → Reality Show Star (Would out-weird anyone on TV.)
27. Edd (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → MIT Professor (Too smart for his own good.)
28. Eddy (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → MLM Sales Guru (Would scam you into selling “Juice Detox Crystals.”)
29. The Pink Panther → High-End Art Thief (Steals, never gets caught.)
30. Popeye → FDA Test Subject (Ate mysterious spinach and became superhuman. No questions asked.)
⸻
Final Thoughts: We Fixed Cartoons Forever
If these characters got real jobs instead of ruining lives, we’d have:
✅ Batman running HR meetings.
✅ SpongeBob leading a cult.
✅ Bugs Bunny out-lawyering the entire Supreme Court.
Honestly?
🔥 Maybe it’s better that they stayed in cartoons. 🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 9: The Most Unhinged Cartoon Characters You’ve Never Thought About (But Should Be Terrified Of)
Or: These Characters Need To Be Locked Away IMMEDIATELY
Alright.
We’ve dragged villains, exposed heroes, and humiliated sidekicks.
But today?
TODAY, WE ENTER THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Because some cartoon characters aren’t just weird.
Some of them aren’t just quirky.
Some of them are so psychologically broken, so existentially horrifying, that I can only assume their creators made them as a cry for help.
So today, we’re breaking down the most unhinged animated characters that no one talks about—but absolutely should.
⸻
1. Freakazoid – The Living, Breathing Embodiment of an ADHD Meltdown
Profile:
• A normal guy who got sucked into the internet and turned into pure chaos.
• Runs on 100% energy drinks, 0% impulse control.
• The Joker, but if he worked at GameStop.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Hyperactive Reality Warping Disorder” 🔥
Freakazoid is:
✅ What happens if you let a kid with a sugar high control the universe.
✅ The human version of opening 97 browser tabs at once.
✅ Proof that caffeine overdose should be studied by NASA.
He doesn’t solve crimes.
He doesn’t follow laws.
He doesn’t even follow the laws of PHYSICS.
He just EXISTS in his own manic world, dragging us along for the ride.
And honestly?
🔥 It’s terrifying. 🔥
Because imagine if YOU had to interact with him in real life.
• He’d hack your phone just to send you memes at 3 AM.
• He’d show up to your work, destroy your office, and then run away screaming for no reason.
• He’d replace all your socks with live ferrets and act like that’s normal.
Psychological Solution?
🔥 There is none. 🔥
We just have to accept that he’s out there, somewhere, causing mayhem.
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2. Ren Höek – A Tiny Dog with the Mind of a War Criminal
Profile:
• A chihuahua powered entirely by hate and nicotine.
• His best friend is an idiot, and he takes it personally.
• Might actually be possessed.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “High-Functioning Psychopath with Unstable Chihuahua Syndrome” 🔥
Ren Höek is:
✅ A small dog filled with nothing but rage.
✅ A living, breathing cartoon version of a caffeine withdrawal headache.
✅ An actual lawsuit waiting to happen.
This man is not OK.
• He hallucinates frequently.
• He has violent mood swings that could crack the Earth’s crust.
• He once looked into the camera and asked if he should “hurt someone”—and he meant it.
If Ren was a real person, he’d:
✅ Start bar fights over nothing.
✅ Threaten to fight the sun itself.
✅ Be banned from every fast-food restaurant in America.
Honestly?
🔥 We need to put him down before he learns how to build a bomb. 🔥
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3. Billy (from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy) – A Human Black Hole of Stupidity
Profile:
• A boy so dumb that his brain is classified as an “active disaster zone.”
• Has met Satan and thought he was a mall Santa.
• His best friend is LITERALLY DEATH, and he still doesn’t take life seriously.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Weaponized Stupidity Disorder” 🔥
Billy is not just dumb.
🔥 HE IS A FORCE OF PURE, UNSTOPPABLE IDIOCY. 🔥
If brains were weapons, Billy would be holding a wet noodle in a nuclear war.
• He has opened portals to hell on accident.
• He has befriended eldritch beings without realizing it.
• He once had a talking parasite take over his body, and he just went with it.
And the worst part?
🔥 HE NEVER LEARNS. 🔥
If Billy were real, he’d:
✅ Fall into an open manhole and call it a fun ride.
✅ Try to pet a rattlesnake because “it looks friendly.”
✅ Accidentally sell his soul for a piece of gum.
Honestly?
🔥 Billy is proof that some people should not have free will. 🔥
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4. CatDog – A Biological Horror That Science Refuses to Acknowledge
Profile:
• A single entity with two heads, no rear end, and infinite questions.
• They eat food, but WHERE DOES IT GO?
• They have different brains, but share a body. HOW?
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Existential Nightmare Syndrome” 🔥
CatDog is not just a weird cartoon concept.
🔥 IT IS A CRIME AGAINST BIOLOGY ITSELF. 🔥
• How do they digest food?
• How do they go to the bathroom?
• How do they NOT just snap in half trying to run in different directions?
AND YET, NOBODY IN THE SHOW ASKS THESE QUESTIONS.
If CatDog was real, they’d:
✅ Be studied in Area 51.
✅ Be worshipped as a god in some cultures.
✅ Cause at least 75 existential crises per minute.
Honestly?
🔥 CatDog needs to be sent back to whatever cosmic mistake created them. 🔥
⸻
5. Roger (from American Dad) – The Most Dangerous Creature on Earth
Profile:
• An alien that should have been deported IMMEDIATELY.
• Can shapeshift, commit crimes, and somehow never get caught.
• Would sell you to pirates just for fun.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Highly Functional Sociopath with Delusions of Grand Theft Auto” 🔥
Roger is:
✅ A walking felony.
✅ A menace to society.
✅ A creature that should NOT be allowed to exist.
If Roger was a real person, he would:
✅ Steal your identity and sell it back to you.
✅ Fake his own death just to see who shows up to the funeral.
✅ Commit at least three felonies before breakfast.
Honestly?
🔥 Roger is too dangerous for Earth. We need to launch him into space IMMEDIATELY. 🔥
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Final Thoughts: These Characters Should Not Exist, and Yet We Let Them Run Free
At the end of the day, some cartoon characters aren’t just weird.
🔥 THEY ARE ACTUAL THREATS TO HUMANITY. 🔥
And yet?
We love them.
Because deep down, we all know:
✅ We need chaos in our lives.
✅ These characters make us feel sane by comparison.
✅ If they were real, we’d all be DOOMED.
Honestly?
🔥 We wouldn’t have them any other way. 🔥
⸻
🔥 NEXT UP: Part 10 – Why Your Favorite Childhood Cartoon Is Secretly Terrifying. Stay tuned. And if you don’t subscribe to my YouTube channel, I will personally let Roger steal your identity.🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 8: Why Woke Character Remakes Are Awful and Undermine Inclusion
Or: If You Ask What “Representation” Means, You’re a Bad Person
Alright, folks.
It’s time to strap in and cancel your future nostalgia, because Hollywood is coming for it.
We’re talking about woke character remakes.
You know, those brave corporate decisions to take a perfectly fine character, change one surface-level trait, and then pat themselves on the back like they just ended world hunger.
🔥 “Diversity and Inclusion achieved! We did it, everyone!” 🔥
Did you, though?
Or did you just swap out one checkbox for another while the scriptwriters fell asleep on their keyboards?
Now, before you start drafting that angry tweet, YES—I love great representation.
YES—diverse stories matter.
YES—inclusion is awesome.
But you know what isn’t awesome?
When a corporate boardroom decides that changing a character’s gender, race, or sexuality is a substitute for ACTUALLY WRITING A GOOD STORY.
So today, we’re diving into:
✅ Why no one actually knows what “representation” means.
✅ How diversity checklists are the worst possible way to write a character.
✅ Why criticizing fantasy for being “unrealistic” is nonsense.
✅ How I, personally, will never look like Superman, and that’s a CRIME.
Oh, and before we begin…
🔥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel, or I WILL reboot your favorite childhood cartoon into a soulless, TikTok-ified corporate disaster. 🔥
⸻
1. What Even Is “Representation?” No One Knows.
Every time a woke remake flops, some Hollywood executive crawls out of their villain lair to scold us:
“This was important representation! If you don’t like it, you’re a bad person!”
And every time, I have one simple question:
❓ Representation of WHAT? ❓
Because no one seems to agree.
• Is it seeing people who look like you?
• Is it seeing characters with the same struggles as you?
• Is it seeing a dragon in Game of Thrones complain about the gender pay gap?
WHO KNOWS.
Because if representation actually meant “realism,” then where are:
✅ The dad-bod superheroes who get winded after one flight of stairs?
✅ The mom-jeans-wearing crime-fighters who are just trying to get through a Tuesday?
✅ The geeky, front-butted nerds who actually look like the people watching the show?
Oh, that’s right—
That’s not “aspirational.”
Because, apparently, we only need representation when it looks cool.
And that’s why every “relatable” hero still looks like they bench-press planets before breakfast.
And honestly?
I feel personally attacked.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Confused by what representation actually means.
• Not ripped enough to be in a Marvel movie.
• Wants a superhero who has my exact body type, thanks.
Honestly?
If I ever get a superhero movie, I better get a realistic dad bod suit.
⸻
2. Fantasy Is Not Realistic, and That’s the Whole Point
Every few months, someone on the internet decides to get mad about a fantasy story because it’s not realistic.
And I have to remind them that it’s called “FANTASY” for a reason.
🔥 IT’S A CARTOON. 🔥
• Why do you care about historical accuracy in a world where dragons exist?
• Why are we debating realism in a franchise where a talking sponge wears pants?
• Why are people saying, “This character would never do that!” when the character is a literal fish?
Fantasy is our escape.
It’s not supposed to reflect real life.
Because if it did, we’d all be watching:
✅ Middle-Aged Man Tries to Get Health Insurance: The Series
✅ Woman Fills Out Spreadsheets and Cries: The Animated Musical
✅ Superheroes, but Everyone Has Back Pain and Goes to Bed by 9 PM
NOBODY WANTS THAT.
And yet, every few months, some Hollywood executive decides to make a story “more grounded.”
And guess what happens?
IT BECOMES BORING.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Overthinking cartoons way too much.
• Knows that realism ruins fantasy but keeps watching train wrecks anyway.
• Wants more ridiculous, over-the-top nonsense in media.
Honestly?
If I ever have to sit through one more gritty reboot of a fun story, I’m snapping.
⸻
3. Diversity Checklists Are the Narrative Equivalent of Throwing Every Ingredient in the Fridge into a Blender
Alright, let’s talk about corporate diversity.
Because at some point, Hollywood decided that representation means every single demographic must be in the same story at the same time NO MATTER WHAT.
So instead of telling a good story, they just:
✅ Cram every identity into the same five characters.
✅ Make sure each one has one (1) personality trait.
✅ Declare victory over racism, sexism, and homophobia.
The problem?
IT FEELS LIKE A CHECKLIST.
• We need a strong female lead! (But she’s not allowed to have flaws.)
• We need an LGBTQ+ character! (But they only get three lines of dialogue.)
• We need a disabled character! (But we don’t actually give them a real story.)
Instead of feeling real, it feels like Hollywood is just covering its bases.
And the result?
Characters with no depth, no personality, and no reason to exist except for marketing.
It’s like throwing every ingredient in your fridge into a blender and expecting it to taste good.
NO.
YOU NEED A RECIPE.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Has seen too many lazy diversity attempts.
• Just wants GOOD characters, not corporate checklists.
• Is now afraid to open the fridge because I might get hit with another reboot.
Honestly?
If I ever see one more soulless corporate “diverse” remake, I’m switching to Amish cartoons.
⸻
Final Thoughts: Stop Treating Representation Like a Gimmick.
At the end of the day, representation should be about GOOD storytelling.
Not marketing strategies.
Not checklists.
Not half-baked reboots that nobody asked for.
Because when diversity is done WELL, you get:
✅ Miles Morales (A NEW, amazing Spider-Man)
✅ Tiana (A princess with her own story and culture)
✅ Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Diverse, fun, and ORIGINAL)
And when it’s done poorly?
You get corporate-approved nonsense with no heart.
