What If WALL-E Was a 1930s Ub Iwerks Silent Cartoon?
What If WALL-E Was a 1930s Ub Iwerks Silent Cartoon?
(Or: What If WALL-E Had Giant White Gloves and Played the Banjo?)
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Forget Pixar’s visually stunning, emotionally powerful, Oscar-winning sci-fi masterpiece.
In this timeline, WALL-E was never a 2008 CGI film.
Instead, it was a 1930s Ub Iwerks silent cartoon—meaning:
• WALL-E has noodle arms and bounces constantly, even when standing still.
• EVE is redesigned as a floating angel with a halo.
• The humans are all identical rubber hose men who wobble uncontrollably.
• Every movement is set to a bouncy, never-ending jazz score.
• There is no dialogue. Just whistling, slide whistles, and honking noises.
This isn’t a post-apocalyptic love story.
This is a bouncy, barely-coherent, jazz-infused cartoon that lasts 7 minutes and barely has a plot.
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1. WALL-E Is Now a Rubber Hose Toon With Giant White Gloves
Forget Pixar’s beautifully expressive, lonely little robot.
1930s Ub Iwerks WALL-E is a weird, sentient trash can with eyeballs and zero internal depth.
• His arms stretch and squash like an accordion.
• His wheels bounce up and down rhythmically, even when stationary.
• Every time he moves, he makes a squeaky, rubbery sound effect.
• He never speaks—he just whistles tunelessly and honks a bicycle horn.
And instead of collecting human artifacts in a melancholic, poetic way?
• He just finds random junk and immediately turns it into a musical instrument.
• Half the runtime is him playing a banjo made out of an old boot.
• Every time he smashes trash, the objects bounce back to life and dance.
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2. EVE Is Now a Literal Angel
Pixar EVE? A sleek, deadly, futuristic robot.
1930s EVE? A floating, rubber hose angel who sparkles constantly.
• She has massive, blinking Betty Boop eyes.
• Instead of a laser cannon, she carries a magic wand.
• Her movements are impossibly smooth compared to everything else.
• She doesn’t speak—she just sings in an eerie, high-pitched falsetto.
And when she and WALL-E first meet?
• She floats in on a cloud, accompanied by a heavenly harp sound.
• WALL-E’s eyes literally pop out of his head, stretch five feet, and then snap back like rubber bands.
• He floats midair for five seconds, surrounded by pink hearts.
This is not a realistic love story.
This is two bouncy cartoons falling in love because that’s what cartoons do.
3. The Earth Is Not Post-Apocalyptic—It’s Just… Kinda Messy
Pixar’s WALL-E? A haunting, cautionary tale about environmental collapse.
1930s Ub Iwerks WALL-E? A wacky comedy where “trash” is just an excuse for sight gags.
• There’s no grim loneliness—just goofy stacks of bouncing garbage.
• Every pile of trash has a face and starts singing at random moments.
• A banana peel literally gets up and starts dancing.
• Instead of skyscrapers made of trash, the background is just the same three painted buildings repeating forever.
WALL-E’s “job” is not cleaning up the Earth.
It’s just… hanging out with funny pieces of garbage that sing to him.
4. The Humans Are All Identical Rubber Hose Dudes
Forget Pixar’s deeply unsettling depiction of a future where humans have become mindless blobs.
1930s Ub Iwerks humans are all the same exact noodle-limbed guy, copy-pasted across the screen.
• Every man is wearing suspenders, white gloves, and a tiny hat.
• Every woman looks like Olive Oyl from Popeye.
• They all move in perfect synchronization, wobbling uncontrollably.
• Every time one of them laughs, their head bounces a full foot into the air.
And instead of living in a dystopian space cruise ship,
• They live in a bouncing space zeppelin.
• The captain is just a goofy mustachioed guy who says “Whoops-a-daisy!” a lot.
• Nobody is in danger—they’re all just… vibing.
There is no conflict.
There is no lesson.
There is just… wobbling.
5. The Axiom’s AI (AUTO) Is Just an Evil, Talking Gear
Forget the cold, calculating menace of AUTO, the HAL-9000-inspired AI villain.
1930s AUTO? Just a big, googly-eyed gear with an evil laugh.
• His arms are just two wriggling wires that flail wildly at all times.
• His dialogue is just deep, gibberish mumbling that nobody understands.
• Every time he does something evil, lightning randomly strikes behind him, even in space.
• His entire evil plan is to tie WALL-E to train tracks and twirl a nonexistent mustache.
And instead of a climactic battle where WALL-E is crushed,
• AUTO is defeated when he trips over his own wires and falls down a giant hole.
6. The Ending Is One Giant, Over-the-Top Musical Number
Pixar’s WALL-E ends with a bittersweet, emotional reunion as WALL-E’s memory is restored.
1930s Ub Iwerks WALL-E? Nope. Time for a nonsensical, city-wide musical finale!
• Every single trash pile comes to life and starts dancing.
• The humans all Charleston their way off the spaceship.
• WALL-E and EVE do a full synchronized tap dance routine on top of a moonbeam.
• The camera zooms out to reveal that the entire galaxy is made of music notes.
Narrator (in a deep, booming 1930s voice):
📢 “And so, dear viewers, our little trash-can friend found his true purpose—LOVE and JAZZ!”
THE END.
Final Verdict: Would 1930s Ub Iwerks WALL-E Be Good?
• Would it be an emotional sci-fi masterpiece? No.
• Would it contain important themes about humanity? Absolutely not.
• Would it be a weird, wobbly, nonsensical jazz explosion of pure chaos? Yes.
• Would it somehow be weirdly terrifying? Oh, for sure.
This wouldn’t be a thoughtful story about loneliness and hope.
This would be a 7-minute, bouncy fever dream that gets banned from TV after airing once.
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🚨 SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT 🚨
If you survived this completely deranged rewrite, check out my YouTube channel where I ruin animation history in real-time.
🔥 Drop a comment: Would you rather watch 1930s WALL-E or let it fade into the void where it belongs? 🔥
Next up:
🎃 What If The Nightmare Before Christmas Was a 1980s Ralph Bakshi Film?
(Hint: Jack Skellington has a full-blown identity crisis, Sally is animated in two completely different styles, and every scene has a weird saxophone solo. 🎷)
