What If: The Lion King Was a 1970s Don Bluth Film?
What If: The Lion King Was a 1970s Don Bluth Film?
(Or: How to Emotionally Destroy an Entire Generation in 90 Minutes)
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Ah yes, The Lion King—Disney’s heartwarming coming-of-age tale about a young lion cub overcoming grief, betrayal, and his dad getting absolutely yeeted off a cliff by his drama queen uncle. But what if, instead of Disney’s 1994 blockbuster, it was Don Bluth’s 1970s masterpiece of suffering?
That’s right. Welcome to the darkest timeline.
A Don Bluth Lion King wouldn’t just make you cry—it would leave your soul in shambles and ensure that no child watching it ever emotionally recovers. This is the guy who made The Land Before Time and thought, You know what kids need? More existential dread and lingering death sequences!
So buckle up, because this version of The Lion King is about to hit you like a wildebeest stampede straight to the face.
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1. Mufasa’s Death Would Be a Slow-Burn Trauma Spiral
Let’s be real: Disney’s Mufasa death scene was kiddie trauma on training wheels. He falls, disappears into dust, and boom—we’re onto Simba crying. Lame.
Bluth Mufasa doesn’t get off that easy.
• The Fall: Instead of a quick drop, Mufasa clings to the ledge for 20 agonizing seconds while Simba watches IN HORROR as his father’s claws start to break.
• Eye Contact: Mufasa locks eyes with Simba and mouths “I love you” just before Scar peels his paws off the cliff like a psychopath peeling a banana.
• The Impact: Instead of an off-screen poof, we get a front-row seat to his body being trampled in grotesque slow-motion, each hoof crunching bone like an ASMR nightmare.
• The Aftermath: Simba approaches Mufasa’s broken, mangled corpse, nudges him, and then? Mufasa’s glazed-over eyes still have a single, unfallen tear.
Congratulations! You are irrevocably damaged.
Disney: “Let’s make this sad, but manageable.”
Bluth: “Let’s make kids wish they had never been born.”
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2. Scar Would Be an Actual Demon
Disney Scar? Sassy, sarcastic, fabulous.
Bluth Scar? A skeletal, nightmare-fueled ghoul that could haunt a monastery.
• His design? Emaciated, wild-eyed, and sporting fangs that are too long for his mouth. His mane? Less “regal villain” and more “I live in your nightmares now.”
• Instead of a smug “Long live the king,” he just laughs—a hollow, guttural sound—while Mufasa screams.
• Instead of Simba running away like a baby, Scar chases him into the desert, eyes glowing, voice echoing in his head for the next 30 years.
Also, in true Bluth fashion, Scar has an unnecessarily sad backstory involving an abusive childhood and a tragic lost love who may or may not have been his cousin.
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3. Simba’s Journey Would Be a Living Nightmare
Forget Disney Simba lazily rolling into an oasis with two idiot sidekicks.
Bluth Simba suffers.
• He wanders the desert for DAYS, hallucinating his father and the ghosts of long-dead kings.
• His paws get shredded from walking on scorching sand.
• He collapses, buzzards start pecking at him, and just as the light fades from his eyes…
• …a mysterious lioness saves him, but only after he watches her rip a vulture in half with her teeth.
Timon and Pumbaa? Not goofy outcasts.
They’re grizzled survivalists, living in exile after watching their entire families get wiped out.
Instead of Hakuna Matata, they teach Simba the cold, brutal law of nature. The musical number is replaced by a montage of Simba learning to hunt, kill, and embrace the bitter truth: “Nothing lasts forever.”
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4. The Hyenas Would Be Straight Out of a Horror Movie
Disney hyenas: Comic relief idiots.
Bluth hyenas: The stuff of pure, unfiltered terror.
• They lurk in the shadows, their bodies contorting unnaturally.
• Their eyes? Glowing red orbs.
• Their laughter? A distorted, bloodcurdling screech that gets louder the closer they get.
• Their final betrayal of Scar? We don’t pan away—we see every. Single. Bite.
You’ll never laugh at Whoopi Goldberg’s hyena again. You will only scream.
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5. The Animation Would Be Over-the-Top Beautiful (And Painful)
Bluth doesn’t half-ass anything. He’d make the most visually stunning, gut-wrenching Lion King ever created.
• Every facial expression would have so much raw emotion, you’d feel Simba’s grief in your soul.
• The watercolor backgrounds would be so immersive, you’d believe you were actually in the Pridelands.
• Every tear, every blood splatter, every muscle movement would be hand-animated at an excruciating 24 FPS.
You’d be so overwhelmed, you’d have to rewatch it 10 times just to process the emotional damage.
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6. The Ending Would Be More Bittersweet Than a Cup of Coffee With Tears In It
Disney Simba: “Hooray! The Circle of Life continues!”
Bluth Simba: “I have reclaimed the throne, but at what cost?”
• Simba stands atop Pride Rock, but he doesn’t roar. He just stares into the stormy horizon, the rain washing over his battle-scarred body.
• He doesn’t celebrate. He doesn’t rejoice. He just accepts his fate.
• Rafiki whispers, “The past will always haunt us.”
• Fade to black.
Credits roll. Children weep. Adults stare at their hands, contemplating mortality.
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Final Score: Bluthified Lion King = Permanent Emotional Scarring
Would it be a visual masterpiece? Yes.
Would it be respected as a work of high animation art? Absolutely.
Would it be so devastating that no child would ever recover from watching it?
WITHOUT QUESTION.
Disney gave us hope.
Bluth gives us the truth.
And that’s why a Don Bluth Lion King would have obliterated your childhood and left you a husk of a human being.
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🚨 SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT 🚨
If you enjoyed this completely deranged rewrite, hit up my YouTube channel where I rant about animation for free and occasionally destroy my own career in real time.
Also, if you’re still emotionally stable enough, comment below:
🔥 Which animated movie should we rewrite next in the “What If: Out of Time” series? 🔥
Up next: What If Toy Story Was a 1920s Fleischer Studios Cartoon?
(Hint: Buzz is about to get real weird.)
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That’s more like it. Absurd. Self-deprecating. YouTube plug. Unhinged energy. Now it’s a true Animation Anarchy post.
