WHAT IF ANIMATION ANARCHY REWROTE… TARZAN?!
WHAT IF ANIMATION ANARCHY REWROTE… TARZAN?!
(Or: How to Turn Disney’s Jungle Gymnast into the Most Epic Action Movie Ever Made.)
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WHY FIX TARZAN?
Look, Tarzan is already great.
✔ Phil Collins went unnecessarily hard on the soundtrack.
✔ The animation is next-level gorgeous.
✔ Tarzan invented the first-ever jungle skateboard.
BUT…
You ever watch Tarzan and think,
“Wow, this is cool and all, but what if it was a full-blown, adrenaline-pumping, jungle war movie?”
Well, NOW IT IS.
Because Animation Anarchy doesn’t do “soft rewrites.”
WE BURN IT DOWN AND REBUILD IT STRONGER.
And before Disney sues me into the stone age, SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL.
If I’m gonna get blacklisted, at least let me go out with a milestone. Click here.
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ANIMATION ANARCHY PRESENTS: TARZAN – THE BETTER, MORE INSANE VERSION
1. FIRST RULE: TARZAN ISN’T JUST A DUDE IN A LOINCLOTH—HE’S A LIVING LEGEND.
✔ Tarzan doesn’t just “learn to swing on vines.”
✔ He’s basically a mythical warrior feared by poachers, jungle cartels, and entire rogue armies.
✔ Whispers of “The Ghost of the Jungle” send grown men into full panic mode.
✔ He can communicate with animals—BUT ONLY WHEN IT’S TERRIFYING.
You think Batman is scary in the dark?
Imagine a feral man dropping from the trees with an army of gorillas and leopards at his back.
The jungle isn’t his home.
IT’S HIS KINGDOM.
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2. CLAYTON ISN’T JUST A GREEDY HUNTER—HE’S A WARLORD.
Oh, you thought Clayton was just some dude with a gun?
NAH.
✔ Clayton is an actual, terrifying jungle warlord.
✔ He runs an international poaching ring with private mercenaries.
✔ He’s backed by corrupt corporations and black-market arms dealers.
✔ He wants to EXPLOIT THE JUNGLE—not just “hunt gorillas.”
✔ He’s here to burn it ALL down.
AND GUESS WHO’S STANDING IN HIS WAY?
🔥 THE LITERAL LEGEND OF THE JUNGLE. 🔥
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3. TARZAN DOESN’T JUST “LEARN ABOUT HUMANS”—HE LEADS A FULL-BLOWN GUERILLA WAR.
Forget Tarzan just awkwardly sipping tea in a British suit.
✔ Tarzan infiltrates human society and plays both sides.
✔ He uses the jungle like a tactical war zone.
✔ He sets traps, ambushes convoys, and steals weapons.
✔ He leads the gorillas and other animals in strategic attacks.
✔ HE USES HIS VINES LIKE A ZIPLINE ARMY.
If you thought “surfing on trees” was cool, just wait until you see jungle parkour knife fights with poachers.
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4. JANE ISN’T JUST A RESEARCHER—SHE’S AN UNDERCOVER AGENT.
Sorry, but Jane doesn’t get to just “be quirky and British” in this version.
✔ Jane is actually working for an anti-poaching task force.
✔ She’s secretly investigating Clayton’s cartel.
✔ She’s fluent in five languages and trained in survival tactics.
✔ She originally thought Tarzan was a myth—UNTIL HE SAVED HER FROM A NIGHT RAID.
Now, instead of just falling in love because “ooh jungle abs”, Jane is here for MUTUAL RESPECT AND WAR STRATEGY.
🔥 Jane & Tarzan = Ultimate Jungle Power Couple. 🔥
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5. THE FINAL BATTLE: TARZAN VS. CLAYTON – BUT BIGGER, BLOODIER, AND WAY MORE INSANE.
Oh, you thought the original Tarzan vs. Clayton fight was intense?
THIS TIME, IT’S A FULL-SCALE WAR.
✔ Clayton’s mercenaries torch the jungle.
✔ Tarzan unleashes the animals—EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
✔ We’re talking stampedes, aerial bird attacks, and gorilla shock troops.
✔ Tantor the elephant becomes a WAR MACHINE, smashing jeeps.
✔ Jane leads human rebels, outmaneuvering Clayton’s soldiers.
✔ Tarzan goes full one-man-army, taking on Clayton in a brutal one-on-one battle.
AND THEN—just when you think Clayton’s gonna fall to his death like last time?
🔥 TARZAN CHOKES HIM OUT WITH A VINE IN MID-AIR. 🔥
NO “oops, he fell.”
NO “Disney-friendly fade to black.”
JUST PURE, SAVAGE JUSTICE.
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6. THE ENDING: TARZAN DOESN’T JUST “STAY IN THE JUNGLE.” HE EXPANDS HIS WAR.
✔ Clayton is gone—but corruption still exists.
✔ Tarzan knows that the fight isn’t over.
✔ The jungle is safe, but for how long?
✔ He and Jane travel the world, hunting down the people funding the destruction of the wild.
✔ Tarzan isn’t just a legend anymore—HE’S A GLOBAL SYMBOL OF NATURE’S REVENGE.
THIS ISN’T JUST A MOVIE.
🔥 THIS IS A FULL-FLEDGED ACTION FRANCHISE. 🔥
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FINAL THOUGHTS: THIS VERSION WOULD BREAK THE BOX OFFICE.
✔ We took an already good movie and turned it into a LEGEND.
✔ We made Tarzan an actual warrior instead of a jungle gymnast.
✔ We turned Jane into an actual partner instead of a damsel.
✔ We made Clayton TERRIFYING.
✔ We gave the final battle REAL STAKES.
Would this version be rated PG?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Would this version go HARD?
ABSOLUTELY.
This isn’t just a “Disney movie.”
This is the jungle’s answer to Mad Max: Fury Road.
And now? We turn to YOU.
WHAT IF WE REWROTE ANOTHER MOVIE?
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COMING UP NEXT: WHICH ANIMATED FILM GETS THE ANARCHY REWRITE?
🔥 WHAT IF WE FIXED A BELOVED CLASSIC?
🔥 WHAT IF WE SAVED AN ANIMATED FLOP AND MADE IT A MASTERPIECE?
🔥 WHAT MOVIE GETS ABSOLUTELY DEMOLISHED NEXT?
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHICH FILM WE’RE COMING FOR.
STAY TUNED—IT’S ABOUT TO GET EVEN WILDER.
